User:AnnieZhou11/Angel De Cora/Mchoe1artic Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

AnnieZhou11


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AnnieZhou11/Angel_De_Cora?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The draft is written like a student essay right now. It should contain more biographical facts and cited language, and less general/personal observations.

The body should be divided into sections; right now, it's a bit disorganized.

Also, the article should have more direct/inline citations, which I think is absent because it's a draft - it hasn't got to that stage yet.

"Angel De Cora was one of the very few students who were accepted into Howard Pyle’s competitive summer art program, where Pyle lauded De Cora as “not only talent but genius.”

Expressions such as "one of the very few students who were accepted" and "not only talent but genius", even when it's cited from a source, feels like wikipuffery.

"Despite knowing that as a woman and as a Native American, De Cora faced more challenges in enjoying success than her peers"

general/personal observation such as this sentence should either be removed or cited and elaborated on. What challenges did she face? What did they have to do with her gender and ethnicity? according to which text?

"During the summer of 1898, under Pyle’s guidance, De Cora painted the oil painting Lafayette’s Headquarters, which was one of her only works featuring non-Indigenous subjects. She employed semi-Impressionistic brushwork, which demonstrated Pyle’s influence. While Pyle and De Cora got along well as student and mentor for the most part, Pyle’s disregard for authenticity in traditional Indigenous attire, despite paying careful attention to historical accuracy when depicting the attire of white people, was often a source of contention. Another source of contention between the student and mentor was that De Cora did not wish to emulate her teacher like her peers strived to; De Cora once informed Pyle that she was an American Indian and did not wish to paint exactly like a white man."

This part is written very well. I think this paragraph will most benefit from citation as it recounts a necessary personal detail of the subject.