User:AnonVisor/Martin Buber/Notsunny9299 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

/AnonVisor


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AnonVisor/Martin_Buber?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Martin Buber
 * Martin Buber

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, the article is well-written and informative. However, there are a few areas that could benefit from clarification and improvement.

Firstly, it is unclear whether the lead section has been updated, as there is no visible indication of any edits made to it. While the article's current lead provides a lot of detail on the subject's life and accomplishments, the lead section could be more concise. There are some extraneous details, such as his editorship of Die Welt, which may not be relevant to a general overview of his life and achievements. It may be helpful to instead give a brief summary of his involvement with Zionism: a more comprehensive overview of his motivations and participation in the movement could be useful for readers unfamiliar with the topic.

Secondly, I found the content that you added to be very relevant and up-to-date with regards to Martin Buber. Additionally, the amount of detailed primary source evidence that you included in your writing lends credibility and authority to your claims. Although there are a few sentences that may need a citation. I found your clear and well-structured chronological summary of Buber's involvement in Zionism helpful, as it provides an overview for readers.

Thirdly, in terms of structure, I found the content that you added to be concise and clear, which made for a smooth and engaging reading experience. While the majority of your writing was well-worded and easy to understand, there were a few instances where a wording change might lend more clarity to your writing. However, these were relatively minor issues. I also appreciated that you broke down the subject's experiences into sections that align with the subtitle of the section, "Zionist Views." I believe that your focus on this particular section has resulted in a more cohesive and informative article that added nuance to Buber's involvement with Zionism without distracting from his philosophical inquiries.

Here are a list of minor edits that you may want to consider:


 * 1) I think it may be a bit misleading to link to the page of Cultural Zionism in the sentence "Buber disagreed with Theodor Herzl about the political and cultural direction of Zionism". Buber took a lot of inspirations from Ahad Ha'am and credited him as a prime source of inspiration.
 * 2) The sentence "there would need to be reforms to Judaism" reads clunky and slightly awkward, I would recommend editing it to "reforms to Judaism would be needed"
 * 3) In 1902, Buber became the editor of the weekly Die Welt, the central organ of the Zionist movement. "The central organ of the Zionist movement" is verbatim what's written as part of the lead --- please consider rephrasing this part or changing your lead a bit to avoid repetition.
 * 4) "the Hasidim were focused on the values which Buber had long advocated for Zionism" I'm a bit confused by the plurality/singularity regarding the term "the Hasidim" but I think in this context perhaps you're referring to the paradigm instead of the people who follow Hasidic values? I think maybe either "Hasidim was focused ..." or "the Hasidim focused."
 * 5) Beiträge zur Geschichte des Individuationsproblems maybe add a translation? Something such as ""Contributions to the history of the individual problem"?
 * 6) In the second paragraph, could you make sure your capitalization of proper nouns is consistent? Especially consider "Nationalism, Messianism" and "Zionism." Personally I would capitalize "Messianism" and "Zionism" but not necessarily "nationalism"
 * 7) "In the early 1920s, Martin Buber started advocating a binational Jewish-Arab state" No need for full name of Martin Buber since it's already very far down the article and it's clear who you're referring to.
 * 8) "to the Jerusalem of the 1940s through the 1960s." I don't think you need "the" in front of "Jerusalem"

Here are some places that you should consider adding citation:


 * 1) "Buber rejected the idea of Zionism as just another national movement, and wanted instead to see the creation of an exemplary society; a society which would not, he said, be characterized by Jewish domination of the Arabs." Seems like you're quoting him with the "he said" so you should probably refer back to the primary source.
 * 2) In 1904, he withdrew from much of his Zionist organizational work, and devoted himself to study and writing. Where does the year 1904 come from?

Overall, I believe that your additions have significantly enhanced the article and improved its overall quality.