User:Anonymousardvark/Social media and identity/Celestialspring Peer Review

General info
Anonymousardvark
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Anonymousardvark/Social media and identity
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Social media and identity

Evaluate the drafted changes
Firstly, I would like to start this off with saying that your draft is hard to read. I'm mostly confused by the edited Media literacy section. I know the asterisk is meant to be the portion that you are contributing but are you planning on leaving it where you have it in the draft or are you putting in the main paragraph somewhere? Reading over these sentences, I don't think that putting them like this under the media literacy section necessarily fits. The last two asterisks that you added are out of place with the original content. The first asterisk is fine but, the second sentence is a bit difficult to read because of the length. Rewording that sentence to something like "In order to be considered media-literate, a person must be able to take in media from online and social platforms and put it into the correct perspective and analyzed." This would be a way simpler way of wording it.

When it comes to the Young Adults section, I think that the first sentence in the original article is a nice introduction and the citation may be useful for readers and, therefore, should still be included. The last paragraph added to the young adult section is good but definitely needs more citations.

Under the self presentation section, the first few sentences about snapchat do not fit and are not needed. I would start from the research paper. Also, I feel like you could've added this into the existing paragraph instead of making it one on its own. Under the audience subsection of it, I would only add these sentences "The formality of being able to comment anonymously causes for significant amount of hate to users who are posting content. How the audience reacts to a video or post will lead to people changing their persona to match what the audience wants." as the sentence about anyone being able to comment is unnecessary.

When it comes to the influences on body image section, your section on social comparison theory needs citations. I would not add these sentences "Influencers have impacted this idea, we often watch people on the internet that we feel we can relate too. Although these influencers might have more money, their looks or personality may be similar." because they are simply not needed and don't have an influence (haha very funny) on the rest of the paragraph. Lastly in your paragraph about Facebook, the sentence "Facebook posts more than 10 million photos an hour, so having many examples of an idealistic body-type tempts viewers to compare their bodies to their own." needs a citation.

Overall, you need to get rid of the unnecessary sentences that are being used as filler and you need to cite more of your sources.