User:Aoystreck

Once the shame of a family of migrant Swedish coal miners, aoystreck went on to become one of the most controversial male models of the early 21st century.

Known for his "Magnum" look, his inability to turn right, and having one leg longer than the other, aoystreck revolutionized the way the public viewed male models. Later, it would be revealed that he was, in fact, legally retarded; his British accent and remarkable good looks often distracting from his lack of etiquette and vocabulary.

Prior to modeling, aoystreck enjoyed an unremarkable career as an apprentice-rabbi at a Transcona synagogue. There, he was discovered by his agent, manager and mentor Curtis Schmidt, who noticed the look on aoystreck's face during a bris. He exploded onto the modelling scene with his now-legendary 2001 "covered in rice pudding in all the right places" poster, and was soon gracing the covers of all the hottest magazines, from "Sailing Magazine," to "Sailing Monthly."

aoystreck established himself as a charitable figure and was a passionate supporter of the black community. He was noted for having an entirely black workforce on his payroll, and allegedly sired several illegitimate children with his underlings. "I likes to mix my milk with the chocolate - It's delcious," aoystreck once quipped during an interview with "The Sailing Times".

aoystreck's hobbies were as varied as they were numerous. They included freestyle frisbee, seal clubbing, infringing on musical copyrights, creating false encyclopedia articles, and ejaculating. Interestingly, whenever an opportunity arose for any two of these hobbies to be enjoyed at the same time, he would simply leave the room and disappear for hours on end.

Notably, aoystreck was involved in the infamous "JeFfY d. Salisbury House Attack," in which several patrons were killed. aoystreck managed to escape with only minor lacerations to the face and rectal area. An inquiry was launched by the RCMP after the incident, in which it was discovered that the rectal wounds were self inflicted. aoystreck has written a book on the ordeal, due out in the 4th quarter of 2006. Early reviews have been--to put it generously--mixed.

aoystreck's career never fully recovered following the incident. He became consumed by drugs and alcohol (Preparation-H and Anusol; sampler bottles of McGillicuddy's Peppermint Schnapps). After several unsuccessful movies ("12 New Guppies", "Alien Nymphos From Uranus", "Aggressive Crotch Display") and a string of divorces ("Susan Sarandon", "Bjork", "Curtis Schmidt"), he finally settled into a reccuring role on the low-rated CBS sitcom "Vigoda". This decline triggered a seemingly endless barrage of zingers at aoystreck's expense. The zingers--childish as they were--wound up unifying nations and ultimately brought peace to the middle east.

aoystreck was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1991, only to be denied the award in favour of holdover President Jimmy Carter. There are numerous theories suggesting reasons why aoystreck did not win the Award. The most popular proposition attributes the loss to a British tabloid which ran a series of photographs of him clubbing, and subsequently eating, a baby seal, though he claimed he acted in self-defence. aoystreck disappeared from the limelight to avoid the public outcry, and never returned.