User:Aped

The Legend •	The REAL reason Randy Couture retired….Richard Martinez •	Riverside Sheriff’s Department does not have a S.W.A.T. Team…they have the Martinez brothers Unit of Mass                                   Unit of Force 1 Treadway = 1T ≈ 135lbs			1 Richard Martinez = 1 RM ≥ ∞ •	Richard Martinez was once disqualified from a psych eval. because he was deemed “Too Ideal” •	The Scantron from Richard Martinez’ P.O.S.T. Exam is now used as the answer key •	Local residents are suing Discovery Channel LLC, for copyright infringements. The Plantiff’s claim the title “Smash Lab” is long the trade marked name of the Martinez household. •	The reason Area 51 is clouded in mystery: the Air Force cafeteria is the last known location for a Richard Martinez meal. •	Lee Harvey Oswald was not killed by Jack Ruby’s Bullet, but an irate Richard Martinez contemplation •	When asked about his workout routine, Richard Martinez stated he does over one hundred arm-bars…as a warm-up •	Richard Martinez had to be Poly-graphed three times. The first two times machine was deemed faulty when its responses were showed nothing but flat lines •	Richard Martinez looks forward to the Academy like a fat kid looks forward to the ice cream truck •	According to Richard Martinez, eating is a sign of weakness. •	The “One-Armed Man” only has one arm because of Richard Martinez •	After spending three hours on what he thought was a 242 report, Richard Martinez was upset to find out it was a DV, and that his narrative was 12 pages longer than the responding officer’s •	When asked his opinion about the Barrett M82A1 (.50 BMG), Richard Martinez stated the rifle had “a slight kick” and “lacked sufficient range” •	After several minutes of taking verbal abuse over the telephone, Richard Martinez hung up the phone and began chuckling to himself saying, “That sounded an awful lot like Officer Dunn” •	When asked what he thought of recent U.S. Foreign Policy decisions, Richard Martinez replied, “I’m a Recruit, I don’t have an opinion” •	When Richard Martinez started at Anaheim PD, he was trained by David Jimenez. Within the hour, Martinez was training Jimenez •	When members of the United States Marine Corp found deposed Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein in a spider-hole, the officer in charged asked Saddam why he was hiding. The transient looking and smelling Hussein responded, “I heard Richard Martinez was looking for me” •	12-26-1991, The Soviet Union officially dissolved, citing fear of 5 year Richard Martinez’ distaste of the Communist ideology as the cause •	After fasting in the desert for forty days and forty nights, the devil tried to temp Richard Martinez by saying, “Turn those sticks at your feet into something good to eat.” Richard Martinez responded by picking up one of the sticks and beating the devil down with it •	Richard Martinez moves faster than the speed of light. Not just because he is incredibly fast, but because light is afraid to pass him. •	During the Academy, 36 Riverside Sheriffs Department issued Tasers were thought to be faulty when they failed to subdue Recruit Martinez. A second subject was brought in, and all Taser devices were deemed to be “fully functional” •	Richard Martinez does not have tear ducts •	Richard Martinez was originally cast for the lead role in Terminator, however the directors thought Arnold would be more believable •	“Godzilla!” is actually Japanese for “It’s Richard Martinez!”