User:Apiodavila/Social and environmental impact of palm oil/Lax.girl.2003 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(Pio)


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Apiodavila/Social_and_environmental_impact_of_palm_oil?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Social and environmental impact of palm oil

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.- in the first two sentences you jump really fast to how fast the industry is growing, to the countries that are the largest contributer. So the reader truly understands the magnitude on your topic, you could spend another sentence using growth statics other than your description of "15 fold". I am not sure what 15 fold means

- you are doing a good job of citing. It is easy to follow because you do, (*authors last name*) and wiki cite after your quote.

- I was confused by the image you used and how to relates to your topic. Consider adding more of a description to why it is important

- for reference, the images used in the sustainability section align well with the topic at hand and use a good description to explain what the images mean

- your article is longer and more detailed than mine so cheer to you for finding places to expand upon. the last 3 bolded paragraphs in the published article seem to be formated differently, and under represented. If you are looking for more places to add content, I'd re organize the last 3 headers and look to either combine sections or make the last 3 sections larger.

- You mention SPOTT twice but consider the biases of SPOTT. Who sponsors the page? Who are the authors? SPOTT could use bias statistics to paint a specific picture

- I only see two references: be caution of relying off of such limited number of sources

- in addition to the last point; try to get a larger scope of sources in order to cover and consider multiple angels and biases

-Policies and pledges made by the company may not be carried out effectively on the ground. Although the media monitor on each company's page may provide some insight, independent due diligence should include measures to analyze implementation levels" You could add this to the Persuading GOVERNMENT section on the article and focus on policies and indicatives taken

Great start!

- Big take aways: use more sources, expand on the last 3 sections of the article, focus on considering more outlooks and updated research on your topic. Look into who is benefiting off of the references and make sure there is not a bias