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Unorthodox Catholicism
Unorthodox Catholicism is a broad practice of the general Catholic Faith. Founded in 1893 by Jedediah Doronholf, Unorthodox Catholicism is now practiced in many small communities around the globe, each with their own methods. The faith has influenced many public figures, including John Stamos, Nick Rhodes of Duran Duran, Barry White, and Cher. The faith also inspired the British television series, "Top Gear", and was revealed to be a motivating force behind Bill Nye's career.

Divergence of Unorthodox Catholicism
Unorthodox Catholicism was founded by Jedediah Doronholf in 1893, in the town of Burley, Idaho. Doronholf was a 19-year-old candle-making apprentice in a small general store in the then small town. Unlike most northwestern towns at the time, Burley had a population of predominantly Catholic followers. At 19 years old, Jedediah had been a member of the Catholic church for his entire life. While he appreciated and needed the piety and commitment that traditional Catholicism required, he felt limited by its strict guidelines and by the judgmental, narrow-minded air of the other townsfolk. Though only 19, Doronholf decided to form his own branch of the faith. The town had a population of approximately 800 at the time, and his new sect was met with great protest when he called for a meeting at a place of worship (a clearing in a forest "four score paces past the rock that looketh like a brutish ape"). However, many townspeople, aged about 18-25, soon realized that they too longed for a more flexible faith. As more citizens joined Doronholf, the town officiates realized that with such a small population, the new branch would be less of a problem than the schisms that would occur if the town did not support the progressive group. Thus, Unorthodox Catholicism was accepted by Burley.

Spread of Unorthodox Catholicism
The faith spread slowly around the northwest. Unfortunately, little was recorded about the faith. However, there are known branches in the states of Idaho, Washington, Oregon, Wisconsin, Montana, Nebraska, New Mexico, Vermont, and Delaware, as well as the countries Austria, Flemish Belgium, Lithuania, and Laos.

Distinctive Beliefs and Practices


The primary deity of Unorthodox Catholicism is Nugomph, best described as a Komodo dragon of sorts in the heavens. There are few guidelines of the faith. Basic human kindness to all creatures is demanded of all congregants. Animals are allowed to be congregants, and in some rare documented cases, have even led branches of the faith (for example, an Alpaca led the Ban Donkon branch from 1968 until its tragic death in April 1970, as a result of the covert "Operation Menu" bombings instigated by president Richard Nixon). A few known general rules are: 1. No supporter of Richard Nixon may be a congregant. 2. No congregant may possess any object containing reptile scales. 3. All congregants must 1) own 2 pets or 2) show intent to obtain 2 pets within the first 7 months of membership. 4. All potential congregants must pass a written exam which demonstrates personality and psychological traits- no homophobia or racism is tolerated. 5. Due to safety issues, no walruses are allowed to be congregants or be present at worship meetings, unless supervised by another human or animal congregate with pre-authorization, and unless kept in a 7 x 9' plexiglass aquarium.

The role of leader is called "Prhulit" (pronounced "proo-lee"). Candidates for the role of Prhulit must have been a congregate for at least 78 moons (1.5 years), and must obtain written blessings from at least 8% of animal and/or human congregates, and of any 5 mammals or reptiles that are deemed pure of heart. Candidates then go through a process called "Henlimrunptoon", during which they must slumber with 12 wild walruses. Whichever candidate has purified the most walruses become Prhulit. In the case of a tie, the candidates' 24 walruses hold a private session in which they discuss their respective candidates and make a decision. 6 of the 24 walruses will become congregants (these will form the "Munroomp", a committee which performs organizational/administrative duties).

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