User:Armaanismail/Renewable energy in Asia/Gpp105 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Armaanismail


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Armaanismail/Renewable energy in Asia


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Renewable energy in Asia

Content:
According to the sources, the content is very up to date and recent. There is good contextual and historical information to set up the rest of the section.

If you can find any content surrounding renewable energy is something other than Pamir Energy and that is not government owned/opperated, that would be important to include. It comes across as bias towards this one government institution. If there aren't any other prominent ones then it makes sense to only talk about this.

Tone and Balance:
I would consider taking out this statement "The lives of Afghan Badakhshan and Eastern Tajikistan have improved due to the availability of reliable electricity." because it comes off somewhat bias. The reader can infer such improvement.

Perhaps consider changing this sentence "Homes and schools are now accessed with electricity for heating during the winter." to "Homes and schools have facilitated access to electricity for heating during the winter".

I would changed the ensure in this sentence "The Government of Tajikistan has established a Customer Support Scheme to reduce tariffs to ensure everybody can afford electricity and prevent people from using coal, dung, and wood." to something less definitive unless you can definitely support this claim with a source and it is well justified.

If you can, support the following sentence with a little more information on why coal is less healthy (very briefly) and add a citation if you can "Electricity has also replaced coal, which has helped improve the health of the people of Eastern Tajikistan.".

Consider changing "every" in this sentence "Pamir Energy has made every effort to ensure the supply of electricity in the region is maintained for unforeseen future." to "several". This will come off better.

I suggest taking out the "ever" in "ever-increasing" in the following sentence, to keep a more neutral tone "..to respond to the ever-increasing demand for electricity in the regions."

Overall, it comes off somewhat like an essay instead of purely neutral and informative. If the above changes are made, I believe it could be helpful in this area.

Sources and References:
I suggest putting your intext citation after every claim. Its no problem if the source is repeated several times.

Your sources are relevant and generally diverse from what looks like Oxfam, a government source (based off of the authors), and an Asian Development Bank source. I would be careful with definitive claims of improvement from the government source that runs Pamir Energy.

Organization
Your language is clear and well written. The order of information is well-placed and logical.