User:ArnoldJudasRimmer

Russell (1 August 1992 - 26 March 2004), better known on Wikipedia as Arnold Judas Rimmer, was an English ballet dancer, journalist, darts player, author, sumo wrestler, table tennis player, interplanetary leader, philosopher, politician, gunpowder plotter, serial killer, and Playboy Playmate who served as the Chief Whip of the Official Monster Raving Loony Party from 2001 to 2004. He was also known for his tendency to form strange political positions for himself, as well as the murder of 204 octogenarians in 3 days. In 2010 he was named Time Magazine's Zombie of the Year.

Birth
Russell was born on Saturday August 1st 1992 in the rainy little country of England, the fifth overall (and first human) child of a manatee and a pine tree named Gabriel and Gertrude respectively. Gabriel worked as an exhibit in a flying zoo, while Gertrude spent her days absorbing Carbon Dioxide and expelling Oxygen. After less than one day in their care, Russell's parents made the difficult decision that they simply didn't have the income or the opposable thumbs necessary to raise a human baby. Russell was left to fend for himself.

Homelessness and Alien Abduction
After being abandoned by his parents, Russell was left homeless and utterly incapable of surviving alone. On 2nd August 1992, after less than 10 hours on the streets, Russell was abducted by beings from the dwarf planet Pluto. The beings referred to themselves as "Plutonians". The Plutonians Russell to Pluto, where they were curiously capable of keeping Russell alive, despite the freezing temperatures. Almost immediately after arrival Plutonians were able to give Russell an entire lifetime's worth of knowledge and experiences in minutes, completely eliminating the need for an upbringing. The Plutonians had taken a liking to young Russell and agreed to share with him many more of their technological advancements. That evening, they elected to make Russell their President - giving the incumbent President Charon some time off to spend with the children - a position he would retain until his death.

President of Pluto
Having nothing else going for him in life, Russell decided to accept his position as President of Pluto, hoping to put his new knowledge and powers to good use. On 7th August, at just 6 days old, Russell carried out his first official act, attempting to calm race relations between the North and South Plutonians