User:ArtHistory2023/Héctor Zamora/Sarai1021 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

ArtHistory2023


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ArtHistory2023/H%C3%A9ctor_Zamora?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

- Before cite #2 the sentence is incomplete instead the period can be a comma and #2 can be at the end of the sentence

- "the Mets roof garden" could use a link for those unfamiliar and for documentation

- punctuation on "By" after cite #4 can be lower case

- 3rd sentence after cite #4 second comma not needed can be replaced with "by"

- "Zamora successfully subverts each of his settings." is only an opinion it should be removed (at cite #5)

- 2nd to last sentence can be moved to 2nd large paragraph and last sentence can be brought to the top of first paragraph

- following sentence after paragraph 1 can be revised to simply state his absence after - comma unnecessary (at cite #7)

- following sentence has to have cite and add link to " Memorándum"

- at cite #9 remove period add comma lowercase "h" in He

- Sentences 4 and 5 after cite#9 can be omitted they have nothing to do with context of the artist

- after cite 10 new paragraph

- "Offered Paradises" needs link

- combine last two sentences or omitt last sentence

- clearer structure keep artist info first, achievments, then current work