User:ArtT38k/Mosque lamp/Bsmit24 Peer Review

General info
ArtT38k
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:ArtT38k/Mosque_lamp?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Mosque lamp
 * Mosque lamp

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Looking at your revised lead section, here are my thoughts:

-Citing sources looks good, there is a source after each piece of information

-I think that the wording is "wordy" and not concise. Additionally, the definition of the mosque lamp kind of runs on and I don't feel that it is clearly stated. Starting with what mosque lamps were made of doesn't tell the reader what they are right away.

-The lead section does not include an overview of what will be talked about in the article

-I think the information about how the lamps changed over time and how they were used in Ramadan ceremonies shouldn't be included in the lead and should instead be included in the body.

-After clicking on each of your sources in the lead section I can see that they seem to be reputable (I think all of them are books/articles of some sort)

-I think that your revised lead section is an improvement from the original one--it is already more concise, however (and I recognize this is a draft) it could be more fine-tuned. Your tone is perfectly neutral, but the lead isn't as clear and concise as it could be. For example, "Normally they were suspended by chains that went through a number of loops on the outside of the body," the syntax and sentence structure here could be cleaned up and more formal. Maybe, "Mosque lamps are traditionally suspended by chains connected to loops on the outer ceramic body of the lamp." And phrasing like, "at times" is too general according to Wikipedia's recommendations for a good article.

The Verse of light section:

-I think it's great that you included the verse of light and also provided context for the symbolism of light in religion, the path from darkness to enlightenment. I think this enriches your article and is great added information!