User:Arwynraine/Virginity/13cte Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

(provide username) Arwynraine on Virginity/Virginal Feminism


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Arwynraine/Virginity?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Virginity

Evaluate the drafted changes
On first view, I thought this was a little small for a contribution. However, it's important to recognize that it is fitting into an already largely completed topic.

The three sections reads as individual leads for their dependent dimension of the topic.

For your topic Africa, is there any information about the effect of a loss of virginity on the family or for the individual? Are there stereotypes applied or changes in the family's status or ability to gain wealth?

Your final sentence of your Asia section is long and could be split into two sentences separating the two sides of the double standard. This sentence starts by talking about many, then some, then back to many. This change is slightly confusing in the sense of who is included in your second many. Is it many of the some, or many of the many?

Your section on North America feels like its strength comes from contrasting to other sections, rather than focusing on North America. Maybe you can expand to include different ways virginity relates and help shape an individual's identity. Surely there are some effects that an individuals virginity in North America has on their family's honour. What are some of these effects and why are they less than other continents?

Your tone is biased in your use of generalizing terms, some and many. The use of these terms creates an impression that the opinion of the many is more important or relevant than the opinion of the some.

Though there are two references at the bottom, no particular sentences or sections are cited. I wonder what information was taken from the sources, and what was 'common knowledge' or what is added. Therefore, I cannot determine if your work is a fair representation of your sources. Make sure that when you take ideas from a source, you cite the source, even when paraphrasing. The period at the end of your sources made it a little confusing to open the link, I thought they were broken at first. You don't need to end your citation with a period, as the spacing between citations indicates the end of one. You do need periods rather than commas at the end of the source tittle and the source publisher.

Your separation into three continents is clear. Though the content of these sections vary in length and clearness. Though I understand having more information for some sections, your section on North America does not feel researched or like sufficient effort was put into it. I would love to see more expansion and focus given to your sections in your next and final draft.

I'm not sure how your contribution so far improves the article as a whole. Your work has potential to discuss important perspectives about virginity. However, there is still a lot of work needed to be done before it is beneficial to the article as a whole. You still need some more content to each section especially North America and Africa, and some clarification is needed for your Asia section.