User:Aryandrummer

Shawn Burden Shawn Burden (born on May 15, 1987 in Central City, Kentucky) is a multi-talented entertainer of the highest caliber. At an early age Shawn learned several languages and trivial abilities. He is currently known for a new style of dance called Cracker Kick, a dance only for white people with absolutely no rhythm. At age 14 Shawn took the world by force with his groundbreaking ideas on philosophy. His most cited qoute: "If a sandwich were so inclined, it would teach one how to love. To the sandwich, love is not the type of bread around you, or the cheese...love is when you have meat inside you. Ask a sandwich and it will tell you what love is." This beloved statement is now being reviewed by the Catholic Church for possible admittance into the Bible. Shawn is also well know for saying "Fret not the face on the bill that you keep in your wallet, handing that green face to a prostitute will feel good no less", and "Before i was born, womankind had not known words like sexy, brilliant and Bettgewitter (german: bed thunder). Verily I say unto ye women of Earth and beyond, I have escaped the womb, braved childhood and overcome puberty to stand before you all and offer salvation. Salvation from a boring, 1-position sex-life and high-fiving frat boy humor. Carry my words to every country and woman provided she is above 18 years of age." After high school Shawn moved to South America to become the first priest of his own church. It became known as Church of Bearded Wisdom. Followers are known ubiquitously as Burdists. Burdism lays out a strict foundation for a moral life. Burdism and The Church of Bearded Wisdom The Book of Burd- this has been compared to the Old Testament of the 21st century. The story begins with an ancient man named Shonn, who has a vision of the after life in a vivid, drug induced dream. The vision was the future where people where plugged into wires and the population was at maximum capacity. In the dream Shonn saw the destruction of humans at hand of what can only be described as Republikons. The Republikons followed false gods and religions and infringed upon the civil rights of those around them. In the dream god revealed himself as Kevin Spacey. Known by Burdists as K-Spa, He laid out the foundation for which all humans shoud live. K-Spa created all the stars and planets with a process we know now as the Big Bang. He then created The Lounge, the equivalant to Heaven. In The Lounge Burdists can enjoy fine wines and read books or watch The Office and Flight of the Conchords. There is a version of Hell in Burdisms known as DMV (Dumb Media Viewing). In the DMV non-Burdists sit in highly uncomfortable chairs and watch Fox News and are forced to confront their prejudices and phobias until they overcome them. Example, if a person on Earth was a racist they would have to play Scattegories with black people until they are cured. Or if a person on Earth was homophobic they would have to go shopping with gay people until they have no more hate or disgust of them. When these people are fully cured of their social fears they are free to enter The Lounge. The 7 Rules: 1. Do not believe anything that is said on corporate media stations. 2. Music is sacred, do not taint it with trendy and talentless noise. 3. Openly criticize organized religion and convert 3 people to Burdism before you die. 4. Do not rape, hurt, kill, torture, destroy, exploit or steal anything. 5. Use every scientific recource availible to cure ailments and diseases. Stem Cell research is no exception. 6. Make it a priority everyday to make someone laugh, expose them to new music and offer free hugs at all times. 7. Do not indoctrinate children into any religion, including Burdism. Shawn Burden has made many predictions that have come true. They include: iPod being more popular than Zune, pop music merging into techno, the death of Billy Mays and the immense popularity of pizza. He sports a beard because history has proven that the most wise and influencial persons wore beards. Burdists are identifiable by wearing or promoting the letter B.