User:Ashleyglim/Hello Kitty murder/Bellamila13 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

I'm working on Ashleyglim's article "Hello Kitty murder".


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ashleyglim/Hello_Kitty_murder?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Hello Kitty murder

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: The lead in this article is really strong. It is succinct but provides enough information for the reader to continue the article. I honestly wouldn't change much about the lead, but I would clarify one sentence; the sentence about the kidnapping and then her dying a month later is a bit confusing. Instead, I would maybe introduce that she was kidnapped and tortured for a month, and then died on X day, to clarify the timeline a bit more.

Content: The majority of the content in this piece is relevant and interesting to read about. The content is mostly up-to-date, as no new updates have been made since the time the crime and trial occurred. I believe that the author covered all of the crucial parts of the case. I think that the aftermath section is especially useful.

Tone and balance: The content and tone of the piece is neutral. There is one sentence I would edit, as it seems a bit biased and is not neutral. At the end of the torture section, I would either take out the "all over a debt dispute" or reword it. Possibly saying "during her imprisonment, she was subjected to torture due to her stealing the wallet" would work as well.

Sources and references: There are a plethora of sources cited in this piece. They are all up-to-date (as much as they can be), and seem reliable. There are no "peer reviewed" sources per se, but I believe that it would be extremely difficult to find one for this case. One thing I want to mention is that I would cite a bit more frequently within the article, especially when specific details are explained.

Organization: I really liked the organization/set-up of this piece. I would change the bolded sections to instead the title format, or the non-bolded but larger font above the line. This is mainly based on what I have seen in previous articles before. I would also go through and double-check grammar (but I know this is a rough draft).

Images: I think including a more specific picture would be a bit gory or even impossible to do. From that, I believe that the photo added of the place where she was tortured and murdered is an important picture to include:

Overall, your article is really strong! The few changes I suggested are pretty small, and in general your article is interesting and informative from a neutral standpoint.