User:Ashleyglim/Hello Kitty murder/Isobelpowell Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Ashleyglim


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Ashleyglim/Hello Kitty murder
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Hello Kitty murder

Evaluate the drafted changes
I like how you created the section of 'Childhood and Teenage Years' to incorporate more of the backstory for Fan Man-Yee. I think it's important that we know about the victim and I'm glad you included this information. I would suggest maybe changing this heading to something simpler, like 'About Fan Man-yee', or just 'Background', instead of the specific wording you have now. Also, I notice that they aren't formatted with the 'Heading' (i.e. they're not underlined sections) so watch out to change that!

You did a great job at including more pieces of the kidnapping and information about the men that committed this crime. The information you sourced definitely adds to the relevance of the situation and I'm surprised it wasn't in the original article, so great job at finding that.

I don’t know if I would continue to split up the Torture/Murder sections, but that might just be my own personal preference! To me, it seems okay to keep all the info under 'Murder', as the torture lead to her death.

I would be careful with the phrasing of the last sentence in the 'Torture' section where you write "All over a debt dispute of HK$20,000". I agree that it is so devastating to think that all this happened over that amount of money, but the phrasing of "all over ___" doesn't give off a neutral tone like Wikipedia articles want.

I notice that the 'Aftermath' section of the original article asks for more additional citations for verification. Maybe if you want to enhance this part ore you could look to see where there is more coverage on the films produced about this case?

Overall, great job! You added some great information that I think is crucial to this article. It's really sad to read about, but you are doing something important by shedding light on this case and giving the correct information and sources as needed. Well done :)