User:Ashleyglim/Hello Kitty murder/Rockinslick Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Ashleyglim


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ashleyglim/Hello_Kitty_murder?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Hello Kitty murder
 * Hello Kitty murder

Evaluate the drafted changes
Hi Ashleyglim! I really enjoyed reading your revisions to the Hello Kitty Murder page!

What I enjoyed:


 * You added a "background" section to the article to make it easier to access. This will help bring more context to the case that the article previously lacked.
 * I enjoyed how you were not biased within your additions. This helps provide a very accessible article for the viewers.
 * The addition of the "kidnapping" section also helps freshen the content of the article. This provides more context that the article previously lacked.
 * Additional sources added are also strong and help viewers become more engaged.

How to improve:


 * I would add photos of each of the people that are discussed in the article.
 * You could add this to the background section of the article. Though the article focuses on Fan Man-Yee, I think providing visuals to all the actors in play would help keep viewers more engaged.
 * You could also add photos of the street while there police investigations. - This would help the viewer become more immersed in the content.
 * I would also add a link to what Hello Kitty is. You could link the Wikipedia article to name "Hello Kitty" under any part of the article. - This provides a chance to enlighten viewers if they do not know who Hello Kitty is.
 * In the aftermath section, I would talk more about the legacy of this case. You could talk about how well known the case is within Hong Kong/the whole world.
 * I would also see if there are any updates to the review of the parole. Towards the end of the "trial" section of the article the review of the parole is discussed to happen in 2020. Updating this would provide necessary updates to the overall article (Did COVID-19 delay these reviews?). This would help ensure it is up-to-date.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this article. I did not know about this case and I found it fairly fascinating to read about.