User:AshlynkD/Passing (sociology)/Tylerharris33 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

AshlynkD


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:AshlynkD/Passing (sociology)


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Passing (sociology)

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

After reading your draft, the biggest thing that I recommend adding is to your lead section. That section hasn't been touched at all and needs to be updated. I didn't know what passing was until I read the full article and so I believe that it's important for you to include just some general information in that section about your topic. However, that said everything else in your draft looks incredible. I really like how you left notes for yourself as to what you can work on to make the article better. All of your information that you used was backed up by credible secondary sources and you didn't repeat any information that was previously in the article. I know that you noted it to yourself, but when you go back to make your final edit, make sure you don't have all quotes for your paragraphs, especially if your going to add a new section. I know that you've heard this a million times before, but make sure you are 'explaining' the information, not just presenting the facts. That can really drive home your point that you're trying to make about passing as information management. Overall, I think that adding a new section to the article can be really helpful. I also think that you have done a great job in finding your sources ton make sure your information is good. As I said earlier in the review, I really like the reviwe you were giving yourself, and I think that that is something that I am going to implement into me draft to make sure I know what I should fix.