User:Ashlynmccormick/Deafness in Ireland/Marley C T Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

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 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Language emergence: I like the first and third paragraphs, but I think the first sentence of the second paragraph (“The first school for deaf children dates back to 1816 where children were originally taught not to speak.”) could be worded a bit clearer to specify that this school taught deaf children not to speak. Also, were the Catholic schools mentioned in that paragraph deaf specific?

Significant organizations: I think it would be a good idea to specify as of what year these people are in charge for the first two organizations in order to future-proof the article. Also, the phrase “Her goal is to present hearing and ability through…” under Sound Advice is a bit unclear—is the goal to provide access to the ability to hear or does the “ability” refer to something else?

Human civil rights and the CRPD: Solid section, only is the revision in “In 2007, the Irish Government signed the Convention, and since, it has been revised in 2018.” refering to the Irish government revising their documents/signature?

Early hearing detection and intervention: Great section! I have nothing to mention!

Overall, I think it would be helpful to ensure you’re not adding too many adverbs as they may suggest your point of view. Also, be careful to make sure you have commas in natural stopping points of the sentence/between clauses. I think you did some really good research and put together a solid article!