User:AvaArdito/Paleoshoreline/Grindlet Peer Review

General info
AvaArdito
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:AvaArdito/Paleoshoreline
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Paleoshoreline

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Lead
I liked the extended lead, I can tell you've put a lot of work into this! I wonder if it could be restructured slightly, so that your additions are more spread out through the lead. It reads a little oddly to have phrases like "fluctuations in sea level," then, in the next paragraph, the definition of sea level- either it needs to be defined or it doesn't, and if it does the definition ought to come first. My other qualm is that I'd like one or two more references, or references reused to illustrate your point. Really broad assertions like "Paleoshorelines differ greatly from modern shorelines and can be used to reconstruct past ecological communities" should have some sort of reference, just as a sample to demonstrate that they are actually used to reconstruct past ecological communities. Even if you go into it later, I think best practices-wise a reference would be nice there, like a sample specimen for a really well-known species. Otherwise, I really like your lead!

Content
Great work with the content. I like that you've significantly expanded not just the detail of the content present, but the form and disciplines as well. I think you've got about the right level of detail in many of these examples, though I'd appreciate like one more reference with the geologic parts, and maybe a touch more detail. What are one or two examples of different types of sediments that show up on paleoshorelines, and what do they tell us? "Paleoshorelines exist due to unique preservation processes and give insight into the formation and understanding of prominent marine structures" is a really promising way to start a section that maybe explains one or two of the preservation processes. I was really hoping that you would at least name, if not also offer a brief explanation, of a couple of these processes. Also, the phrase "A lake may also have a paleoshoreline" shows up both in your lead and later in the article, without a reference the second time. The second one's probably unnecessary, unless you want to elaborate on lake paleoshoreline, in which case absolutely go for it! This is probably the lake scientist bias talking, but I think ancient lake shorelines are super interesting, and proglacial lakes could be a really cool subsection, if you're looking to add information. The historical debate over Glacial Lake Agassiz and the decades-long search for evidence that isn't there shows science done really right and science done really, really wrong. Otherwise, I quite like the content you've chosen to add! I think it provides a pretty wide range of content, and it all looks reliable to me.

There are a couple sentences that I think you could rewrite to clear up some confusing wording: "Melting of ice sheets increases the volume of water within the ocean, ultimately causing ice sheets to retreat and sea levels to rise"- aren't melting ice sheets the same thing as ice sheet retreat? Right now you're suggesting a positive feedback loop, which may well exist and could be cool to mention if there's evidence of it, but it's not clear to me that that's what you mean. Either there's a feedback loop, or you're saying that ice melting is caused by melting ice, and both ways I think it's worth some consideration. "Thermal expansion explains the phenomena of changing volumes of water when it is heated or cooled" also feels a little odd to me, since it's not clear if you're saying the term and phenomenon are two separate things, and the thing that is referenced by the term thermal expansion affects changing water volumes, or if you chose an odd way to say that the phenomena of water changing volume is called thermal expansion.

Also, I think the sentence "Paleoshorelines are driven by changes in sea level over geological time" is incredibly funny. Do you mean the formation of paleoshorelines? The existence of paleoshorelines on the landscape? I know what you mean, and you're so close to saying it, but the idea that paleoshorelines themselves are driven is funny. It's a little like saying houses are driven by construction workers. Like yeah, I guess, but surely there's a clearer way to express that.

Tone and Balance
I like your tone, though I do take some issue with "The presence of the Bering Land Bridge suggests that humans migrated from Asia to North America." I'm not sure the statement stands on its own- the presence of the bridge itself doesn't suggest a whole lot. I think I know what you're saying, but if you're suggesting that we know humans arrived in NA from Asia because there was a bridge there, there's probably a better way to phrase it. I'm also a little thrown by "Within those 15,000 years humans have lived in North America the entire time." It seems kind of out of place in the article. You discuss human habitation later with the Beringian Bridge, but I'm not sure why you go out of your way to point out that humans were around while the shoreline was changing. Like one sentence of elaboration would be nice there. I like that you throw in that lake and Martian paleoshorelines also exist and are important, but I wonder if that might make more sense in the Examples section.

Sources and References
Your sources seem good! They're varied, you've added a solid number, and they hold up. A few primary literature sources could be nice, especially if you do choose to get into the nitty gritty of sediments or the methods of paleoshoreline analysis/expand on the examples section. Your reference section also looks a little oddly organized to me, I'm seeing a bunch of empty reference sections, but I don't know if that's just an odd thing that Wikipedia does or something that needs to be addressed in the first place.

Organization
I've already mentioned that a few of the sentences could be swapped around to flow a little better, and that some information is duplicated. I really like how you've broken the article out into sections! You've definitely added enough information to merit sections, which is great both in the amount of information added and in the attention you paid to how that information should be presented. What's left here to my eye is a minor grammar check. There are a couple times where the verb doesn't agree with the subject (for example, "Fluctuations in sea level is largely due to the melting and freezing of ice sheets," "The reconstruction of paleoshorelines also aid in the understanding," and "fluctuations in sea level has been primarily driven" all have plural subjects and singular verbs).

Images
The gif is messed up on my screen I don't know if it's just me, but I think the wrapping may be off so it appears in the header of Formation rather than below it. I'd check in on that, otherwise I don't have a lot to say on this topic!

Overall
You've done some fantastic work so far, and I think this is a really great rough draft of your article!