User:Avishwanath15/sandbox

Sydney Epstein (born February 2, 1989) is an American newspaper columnist. She specializes in bullshit at The Boston Herald.

Early life
Epstein was born in Lexington, Massachusetts. She is the daughter of Vivan (née Flora, really? Why is this even necessary?), an associate at Nordstrom Rack, and Mark, a personal banker. Her two sisters, Cara and Sabrina, attend Lexington Public High School, where Epstein graduated in 2007. Cara’s only eighteen but she sure has more promise than her sister. She’s honest, sometimes too honest, but at least she doesn’t try to be someone she’s not. She’s also way smarter — she’s probably going to end up at an Ivy next year. Cara and Sabrina are both going to be way prettier than their older sister, too. Epstein was in a lot of clubs in high school, but nobody gives a shit about that anymore. All the guys supported her volleyball games because they liked to see her in spandex. They wouldn’t want to see that anymore, that’s for sure. She was always great at debate, because she doesn’t care about anyone else’s opinion, and always thinks she’s right. She went on to attend Northeastern, where she barely scraped by with a 2.something GPA.

Career
Epstein works as a columnist for the op-ed section of The Boston Herald. I can’t believe Wikipedia doesn’t fact check this shit.

Personal life
Epstein currently lives with her parents because her too trusting boyfriend, Jesse, caught her in their apartment with some other guy. She has left a total of seventeen voicemails on his phone, all of which he has deleted. He now wonders what he ever saw in her, and wonders why she even has a Wikipedia page because she is so irrelevant.