User:Axolotl61/Mental disorders and gender/CactusJack1555 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Axolotlo61


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Axolotl61/Mental disorders and gender


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Mental disorders and gender

Evaluate the drafted changes
Great job overall! I learned a lot, and your changes make it easier to digest the information. I appreciate that you all streamlined the content in each section to flow better and be more specific to the subheading. It's succinct and you provide adequate evidence for your points. I particularly enjoyed your social media section, since it's so relevant to today!

A few suggestions:

1) Given that the article topic is about gender, it seems it would be more fitting not to use sex identifiers like female and male. This is especially prominent in first section of your sandbox.

2) I would change the sentence "Females experiences PPD have trouble seeking treatment due to the difficulties of accessing therapy and not being able to take some psychiatric medications due to breastfeeding" to "Women experiencing PPD have trouble seeking treatment due to the difficulties of accessing therapy and not being able to take some psychiatric medications due to breastfeeding." (Post Partum Depression section at top)

3) Your "Gender Bias in Medicine" section repeats some statistics/themes from your previous sections (ex- the depression example). I don't think you need to reiterate it since it's a relatively short article. It could be helpful to put that introduction/section ahead of the sections that dive deeper into anxiety, depression, etc. specifically.

4) For the sentence "The diagnosis of hysteria is a bright example of a medical diagnosis that was once almost exclusively applied to women" I would take out the term "bright." Additionally, in the masculine bias in medicine and in cishereonormative bias in medicine sections, I think it would be helpful to include one or two sources to back up your claims.

5) For the sentence "A study conducted in 1995 of 171 women reporting a history of domestic violence and 175 reporting no history of domestic violence confirmed these hypotheses," I would edit it so it is a complete and clear sentence.

6) For "Another study found that in a group of women in a psychiatric inpatient hospital ward, women who were survivors of domestic violence were twice as likely to suffer depression as those were not", it would be helpful to stay consistent and replace "domestic violence" with "IPV." Same for "As far as males are concerned, it is estimated that 1 in 9 men experience severe IPV. For men as well, domestic violence is correlated with a higher risk of depression and suicidal behavior"

7) In your sexual violence section, it would be helpful to have a comparison to men.

8) In your social media section, I would keep the language consistent and not use "girls/boys"

9) A couple of your sources have error messages in the citations. Ex- source 1-9 (there are more)