User:Ayaide/Nintendo thumb/Swatanabe2024 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Group 16


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Ayaide/Nintendo_thumb?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Nintendo Thumb

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Persons A, B, C and D: Do the group's edits substantially improve the article as described in the Wikipedia peer review "Guiding framework"?


 * LEAD: There are a few consequences and symptoms such as tendinitis and bursitis that are not mentioned in the rest of the article. The lead should contain an overview of the article and so I suggest you re-review the lead or add another section to your article! Other than that, the lead portion of the article contains a good brief overview with up to date references. It also isn't too long or too complex.
 * CONTENT: All content is relevant, up to date and no information is missing under headers.
 * TONE and BALANCE: The article remains neutral by focusing solely on Nintendo thumb as an injury and not focusing on the company or its response.
 * SOURCES and REFERENCES: A good amount of varied references from journal articles to BCC. A very minor suggestion, but I believe that you could find pub med articles to replace references 6 and 7. While the MedlinePlus does come from the NIH, a respectable resource, journal articles may strengthen these.
 * ORGANIZATION: I think the flow of the article reads really well and it is adequately broken down into sections.
 * IMAGES and MEDIA: Your images are within wiki guidelines, I would just suggest making them larger as it looks disproportionate to the body of text. Also separating the images so they are not right next to each other can help break up the text blocks.

Persons A, B, C and D: Has the group achieved its overall goals for improvement?


 * Yes, this group has achieved their editing goals. I would suggest adding more photos especially of the controllers themselves. It could be a helpful way to display the buttons and joysticks if a reader is unfamiliar with them.
 * Because it is a rare condition, it is difficult to attribute exactly how many hours of game play is needed to develop Nintendo thumb or related conditions. I do think that the group adequately summarized the key cases for Nintendo thumb as well as other e-game related injuries
 * As for their last two goals, the group most definitely achieved this by thoroughly looking into Wii related injuries as well as mentioning Nintendonitis

Person A: Does the draft submission reflect a neutral point of view? (explain)


 * The group's article thoroughly covers Nintendo related injuries but does not solely focus on them from a legal, or economic standpoint which could introduce some bias. I appreciate that not only Nintendo but PlayStation and Blackberry were named and introduced into the article. There is no argument presented in this article, it only summarizes facts and medical professional's diagnosis of Nintendo thumb.

Review by : Swatanabe2024