User:AyashinaMukido

BETTER IN MY NEXT TRY

I do know how I got here last night. I feel the tears rolling in my eyes. I feel the squeezing pain in my life. The ripping hate gushing through my mind, Still glows an evil glow since my last sign.

I left home cause' the loneliness stands bright. I thought it's better off not saying goodbye. Since everyone is against me and blame me all the time. What can I do if there is no place for me tonight. I feel scared of what comes of me if I lie.

I ran away to reach my distant flight, To get away from the crying abusing life. The family I grew up with to love has died. I'm leaving freely to another life. Maybe I could do better in my next try.

I'll start all over again if that makes life alright.

I left Hawaii to see my real mom, to Maryland, Frederick. I didn't like where the location I was moving too but it's not like I had a choice. I lived with my grandparents for awhile and my Aunt Rua took care of my grandparents. My grandpa was getting to the point where he can't remember his name, how to use the bathroom, or anything else during the night. My Aunt Rua is a strict woman. She thought I was having sex with ten hundred guys at a park next to our house. The main thing was... I wasn't. I wasn't single and I wasn't a slut. I had a boyfriend he seems much in love with me. I don't want puppy-love. I don't want a fake boyfriend. He was 34yrs old. He looks a lot younger than his age. He's Hispanic and an inch taller than me. I love him to the dearest and I still do. He wasn't there to have sex with me each time I sneak out the house. He was there during the beginning of my depression. I hates seeing me down and hates watching me go back home to the abusiveness. But I was only seventeen during the time. What can I say? He loves me. My Aunt kicked me out of the house after being caught. I left home that night because I got fed up with the name calling. I hate being called "stupid". I'm not dumb and I'm not slutty. I'm smarter than average and I can be less of an average but I am not stupid. The word "stupid" was a bad word in my culture of Samoa. It's the word lower than a scummy dog. I learn one thing from a big situation.

1) A Male/Female do take words to the next level.	Words can mean a thousand meaning.	No matter what you say be sure you say	it with an explanation or just be careful.	Including how you express the saying with	the voice. 2) Calling people names can cause anyone of any age to go of course. Such as Slut, Gay, Ugly, Stupid. In other words, If you got nothing good to say than don't say it at all. People have feelings. They're not a brick of walls. 3) Accusing may take a lot of steps ahead of your shoulders.	Stop accusing anyone of anything unless you we're they're	I've been accused of sleeping with thousand men	at a park new our home. Really, I wasn't. They're no 	proof that I did. The nights that I was gone I wasn't 	at a park. And if she wanted to follow me (referring to my Aunt) It's a complicate ride to make into another city. 4) Don't make a big mistake at all and if you did stay on your foot and don't give up. I have an old pastor who encouraged me not to give up. I still struggle not to give up including right now while being eighteen. It's a little more complicated than I thought It'll be. I made so many mistakes it's not even funny. My mother is aggressive. She had knives in her hand to my throat and right now me and her had struggle so much that we didn't give up on loving each other. I'll never forget what happened but I'll always love her. I know what she's capable of (My option). You may reply back if you want or to my email: Lisa.tana@yahoo.com if you want to reply or anything else other. (If you think this is dumb, my feelings are not soft about it at all)


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The sky is pretty but why colored blue? I cry since I left the home, the home I once knew. How can I leave without telling the truth? I left the rest of my family because I was cruel. I am sad and is colored in blue.

If I did try to convince that I was still good, They still would send me far away for good. I may not return but if that's what they choose, Than I might as well leave with no love over my roots. To say I love you or to say that I care is something that feels untrue.

I'm in the plane missing the home in I grew. No one believes any truth that I spew. I promise it's no lie it's all an excuse, Just to get ride of me like she had choose. She lied about me, Dad, Why do you choose her -over me? I promise I told the truth!!!