User:Azbeartx/Resuscitative endovascular balloon occlusion of the aorta/Mburgon Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Azbeartx


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Azbeartx/Resuscitative endovascular balloon occlusion of the aorta
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Resuscitative endovascular balloon occlusion of the aorta

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, this is a great addition to the REBOA article. You added a lot more information about REBOA. I particularly like the table explaining the steps of REBOA, it is very concise. You kept a very neutral stance while bringing in many supporting references. The information and references is up to date. The lead provides a good overview of the article. The only other image I could think to include would be one about the descending aorta, perhaps showing the different zones where the REBOA goes.

I think the easiest and most helpful thing to add to this article would be more sub-headings. You could include one about ongoing research, put all the information about potential complications under the complication heading, or one about ongoing protocols. I think this would add to the accessibility of the information.

A few grammatical or stylistic things I would change or need a tiny bit of work.

In the lead paragraph: “Despite the benefits of REBOA, there are significant risks associated with local and systemic ischemic effects.” Kind of a wordy sentence I had to read twice to understand. I think you could write something like this: “Despite the benefits of REBOA, there are significant local and systemic ischemic risks.”

In the medical use section: The sentence, “In contrast to peripheral hemorrhage caused by injury to an extremity, traumatic injuries to the torso and junctional regions are not amendable to direct pressure or tourniquet application and thus account for approximately 90% of exsanguinating deaths” is a little long and I would break it up.

In key procedural steps: In step 6 the last bullet point has an extra ‘angiography’. “Following REBOA removal, angiography of the lower extremity angiography or duplex ultrasound studies should be performed to confirm lower extremity vascular patency.”

The only other grammar edit would be the 5th citation needs the date fixed.

Your references otherwise look great, and the hyperlinks in the text work good.

Overall great article not much to fix, I hope to add a table to my article to make the procedural steps more concise.

Thank you for your feedback- I have made the stylistic and grammatical changes you suggested. I have also added subsections and moved the complications information into one area to improve the readability of the article. Thank you again!