User:Azeripheal

About Me
I am a student, currently attending my first year college. I enjoy playing with my dog, reading books, and making art. At the moment, my favorite art medium to create with is acrylic paint, but in the past I have done watercolor painting and charcoal drawing.

I have a dog that I rescued from a shelter a few years ago, who quickly became my best friend. The domestication from wolves to dogs started between 20,000 and 40,000 years ago. Dogs have had a long time to become "man's best friend."

Books have always been special to me, especially the "Harry Potter" series by J.K. Rowling. Another favorite book of mine is "Good Omens" by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. I have always liked carrying around a physical book, but I listen to audiobooks most of the time -on busses, doing the dishes, and when I do anything else that I can do while listening to a book. The first audiobook ever recorded was in January of 1952.

My Wikipedia Interests
I have had limited use with Wikipedia, but as I learn more about it, I become more interested. This is my first time ever editing and writing on Wikipedia. I might be interested in making edits, such as editing out bias or typos. It would also be neat to change something to make it correct.

Article Evaluation
Ice cream is my favorite dessert, so of course I wanted to learn more about this sweet treat. Through this search, I found “Agnes Marshall.” She was a pioneer in the early days of ice cream, and I feel that her wikipedia page doesn't do her justice. I visited the “Agnes Marshall” page on Wikipedia, and found three aspects of it worth commenting on: the structure and completeness of the article, the editors’ grammar and voice, and the citations.

Structure and Completeness
As I was reading, I noticed a few formatting and structural issues, as well as irrelevant sections, and missing information. For example, subheading one is titled “First cone?” which is confusing to the reader. Why is there a question mark? The author/s’ seem unclear on their facts. Although it is presented incorrectly, she is credited with creating the first portable (and edible) ice cream cone.

The “Books and school” title is misleading. Agnes wrote four cookbooks and also published a weekly magazine, “The Table.” Her most famous book, “The Book of Ices” was published in 1893, rather than 1885 as the article states. The “school” refers to the “Marshall School of Cookery” that she and her husband started. There were culinary classes and lectures, but they also sold cooking supplies like utensils, syrups, spices, and more, under the label “Marshall’s.” These topics should not be merged together and deserve individual representation.

Another point worth noting is that the article doesn't mention her three children: Agnes, Alfred, and William.

Grammar and Voice
The article is neutral with no heavily biased claims or language. However, it does contain multiple grammatical errors, and occasional informal language. There are unnecessary commas in places, incorrect usages of words, and various other punctuation mistakes.

For example, in the “Fatal fall” section, one paragraph states “She fell from a horse in 1904 and never fully recovered from it. She died in Pinner the following year, and was cremated at Golders Green crematorium.” This doesn't acknowledge her name and “never fully recovered from it.” seems too informal when writing about someone’s death. If I were to rewrite this, I would write: “In 1904, Agnes fell from a horse while riding near her country home. She never fully recovered from the fall and subsequently passed away the following year; she was cremated at Golders Green Crematorium.”

This article contains some good information, but there are mistakes that need to be corrected.

Summary
Agnes Marshall’s wikipedia page has many problem areas, such as the structure and completeness, grammer, and citations. The article is full of incorrect information and punctuation mistakes, but lacks relevant information and proper citations. With the research I have done, I want to be able to fix the “Agnes Marshall” wikipedia so she can get the credit she deserves.