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Leadership: The effects of the parental relationship on leadership abilities. I grew up in several different households so I had several “parental figures”. However, I am going to focus on what I actually learned from my parents. I learned numerous positive and negative things from my parents. I learned that education does matter in being able to determine what jobs you have options for but so does experience. They taught me that I needed to be strong for myself because depending on other people really isn’t an option because people aren’t the most reliable. Before my dad was deep into his addiction, he taught me how important it was to love yourself and how important it was for me to know how much he loved me and my sister. He was very reliable and was there for me. He taught me how to work hard and that just because I was a woman, that shouldn’t hold me back from the things that I wanted to do in my life. When my dad became deep in his addiction he dumped a lot of his adult issues on his children. He blamed us for his problems and he became extremely verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I learned that using substances as a way to cope is not the answer. I learned that I never want to drink, do drugs or numb things out if I am in a bad place. I also learned that once you are an adult, you have the power to change your life and if things aren’t going your way, then you have to own it and try to make changes to your best ability. I learned similar things from my mom. She has lived off the state all of her life and has been married to several men that are pedophiles. She has dated numerous men that were just not very good people, they hurt her, hurt her children, etc. She didn’t graduate high school and despite her mental health issues always wanted the best for me and my sisters. I learned to work hard because if I don’t I could end up regretful, blaming others for my issues, abusing myself, children and letting other people hurt me because I don’t feel good about myself. I learned to have boundaries and how to stand up for myself. I learned to how to be a leader for my own life and to try and be a support backbone for others who need emotional support during difficult times. But most of all I learned how important it is to take care of yourself. My dad taught me how to cook and my mom and dad both taught me how to have fun in life.

I do not have children. But if I did, I would love to teach them that it is okay to be themselves. It is okay not to be okay and to teach them emotional intelligence. I would love to teach them how to love, flawlessly and to show this even in times when others can present evil. I would love to teach them to work really hard but how to have fun and to be open minded.

My parents taught me at an early age to develop a strong work ethic. My father would wake up early to feed the horses and cattle that we raised at my grandmother’s farm. Since he was a self-employed dentist, he would get to work early to make sure everything was running correctly and would leave the office later than his employees so that he could lock up for the evening. He was a dentist for the people that would work with them and even trade services with blue-collar workers so that they could afford the work done on their teeth by using their trade (i.e. painting, lawn-care, renovations, etc.). He exemplified the path-goal leadership theory in that he inspired others, such as my siblings, to work for something higher than oneself (Hughes, 2015). He would give us chores to do at the house during the week, such as taking out the trash, feeding the horses in the afternoon, and cleaning our rooms. My parents reminded us that we are not working for ourselves but for the Lord. Colossians 3:23 tells us that “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, and not for man” (Maxwell, 2014). Watching my parents tirelessly work and provide for their children was a positive experience and has forever changed me to do the same for my future kids. My father and mother also encouraged me to seek after God with all my heart. They would take us to church every Wednesday and Sunday, as well as read the Bible with us at night. They acted the same way in church as they did in every area of their lives. I remember that each morning at breakfast my dad would pray and read the ‘proverb of the day’ since there are 31 proverbs in the Bible. Their Christian influence on me has shaped my life and has helped me become the man I am today. Not every moment was a positive one, but their continued faith and example has led me to live a life that is different from most people. I hope to instill the same work ethic and Christian beliefs in my future children through my words and my actions. The founder of the Firestone tire company, Harvey Firestone, believes that “the growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership” (Rendall, 2014, p. 106). We all know that parents are leaders of their households and have significant roles in the maturation of their children’s lives. It is paramount for them to demonstrate the attributes and to practice what they preach so that they can inspire and empower their children to do the same.

What I Learned Following my Parents’ Lead As a child, parents are taken for granted. Growing up I did not realize the importance of my parents and how much they shaped me into the person that I am today. As I grew older, I realized how much I am a reflection of my parents and can see it in my everyday actions. My parents have taught me to be the driven, self-reliant, and dependable person that I am today. While growing up heavily involved in sports my parents emphasize the importance of creating a strong work ethic. They continually encouraged me to love what I do and that as long as I love what I do, I will be happy. This created the drive that I have today, I put my all into things that I do, since while I was growing up I loved what I did and wanted to excel at it. My parents encouraged me not to rely on others. They encouraged me to do things myself if I can since I can control my own actions and not those of others. They taught me that I cannot use others as an excuse for a bad result, since I could have controlled the situation by stepping up for myself to ensure the job is done. Since my parents emphasized being self-reliant this also shaped me into being very dependable, since I wanted to ensure I did all that I could in a certain situation, this meant that I was always there. My parents also taught me that in sports, I cannot pick and choose when I want to show up. This transformed in my life to me always being dependable and feeling guilty or as if I let someone down if I choose not to partake in something. This sometimes has a negative effect in terms that I can hardly ever say no to activities that I do not enjoy or will spread my time thin.

Although my time as a child is over, there are still influences that my parents have on me as an adult. Due to the strong relationships that I have with my parents, they are the ones that I go to for guidance in my adult life and still create an impact in my actions. Just the Two of Us? How Parents Influence Adult Children’s Marital Quality suggests that our parents positive and negative relationships affect us well into our adulthood, and into marriage, “Because parent – adult child ties may be typified as both supportive and strained at various points over time, life-course scholars recommend that both positive and negative aspects of intergenerational ties be analyzed” (Reczek, Lie, Umberson, 2010). They stated that our parents relationship with us as a child carries over into marriage and reflects the love and emotion that we wish to receive. As an adult you see many things that are clear influences from parents but there are also underlying influences that I didn't realize were there such as my own relationships.

References: Hughes, R., Ginnet, R., & Curphy, R. (2015). Leadership: Enhancing the lessons of experience (8th ed.). New York: McGraw Hill Irwin. ISBN: 978-0-07-78240-4 Maxwell, J. C. (2014). The Maxwell leadership bible: Lessons in leadership from the word of God (2nd ed.). Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson. ISBN: 978-0718011512 Rendall, D. (2006). The Four Factors of Effective Leadership: Revised & Updated. North Charleston, SC: BookSurge, LLC. Reczek, C., Liu, H., & Umberson, D. (2010, October). Just the Two of Us? How Parents Influence Adult Children's Marital Quality. Retrieved October 13, 2019, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3151657/.