User:Badass grandpa

Badass Grandpa

'Badass Grandpa' (bg) is one of the greatest men to ever live, with two wives, one named 'baby birth brenda' and the other is called 'big busty ba ba boom.'

Along with his two wives 'bg' has an obese midget mistress called 'obese cat woman,' and although 'bg' is some kind of super being who, although has the appearance of an old man has the sex drive of a 24 year old nympho maniac, he only has one child, a 34 year old daughter named 'Sarah Laura Ashley Gower' (or S.L.A.G, as she is known due to her initials,) is currently married to a man named 'Rob Gower.

Although 'bg' only has one child, he is the grandfather of approximately 500. All of which have names suiting their personalities and or life styles. For example:

1) obese child

2) dumb child

3) batty boy

Badass Grandpa's backstory

much of 'bg's life is not known, but here are just a few things he has done, more will be added as my crack team of scientists and analysists decipher the complicated puzzle which is 'bg'

'bg' once trained in the himilayas with the shoulin monks, from which he learnt the ancient art of kung Fu, finding this too easy 'bg' then set off towards Germany where he would find the Diaspora Jews where he was then trained in the almost impossible to master martial art known as Jew Jitsu.

'bg' recently left his home country of cyrodil to try to find a new home for his ever expanding family, (i literally mean expanding - as 'bg' is so manly as soon as a child is born from the womb of a woman he has slept with, it will begin to multiply - like the properties of bacteria when going through mitosis, except with people.)

'bg' claims the only reason he is moving his family to skyrim is due to the fact that he can not find a home large enough for his family, however it has been discovered that he is actually having to escape from a supposed death sentence which was ordered by the council of marvel comic heroes after 'bg' got into a fight at a local pub with a young man, this young man later turned out to be the emporer's son - 'bg' may of apologised to this young man but there was no point as 'bg' out of angered ripped off the emporer's sons face using his toes.

'bg' has now joined the imperial legoin to pay back his debt to society, and is now the greatest fighter in skyrim, to date these are the most amazing vicories he has achieved and how he has done so:

1)  snow bear - completely naked, killed the bear with just 2 punchs

2)  frost dragon - ripped out dragons own heart and placed heart in dragons throat, causing it to suffocate.

3)  emporer's son - ripped face off using toes

4)  megatron - 'bg' was so confused as to why he suddenly appeared ib front of megatron that he ripped megatron apart and converted him into his car and GPS which we now as the TUMBLER.

5)  the covenant -saw grandson playing halo, so jumped into the TV and every enemy instantly commited suicide.

6)  himself - 'bg' made an angry face in the mirror to himself and saw this as a challenge, 'bg' then punched the mirror, causing himself to fall to the floor and die, luckily, he got better.