User:Bandile Masilela/Internet addiction disorder/Natdogmillionaire Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Bandile Masilela


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Internet addiction disorder
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Internet addiction disorder

Evaluate the drafted changes
Overall, this is a well-written and informative draft article about Internet addiction disorder. The lead section does a good job of summarizing the key points, including the definition of the disorder, the age group most at risk, and the lack of consensus regarding the diagnosis. The article body is well-organized and covers the consequences of Internet addiction disorder and factors that affect it.

The use of sources is impressive, and the inclusion of specific studies helps to support the claims made in the article. However, there are a few areas where the draft could be improved. This is one of the better drafts I have read, it is just long. That is why I have a lot suggestions.

Peer review:

· The lead section could be expanded to include more information about the prevalence of Internet addiction disorder and its impact on individuals and society.

· I know what IAD stands for, but I would put it in parenthesis after you define internet Disorder addiction. This is because “IAD” is used in the body and could still confuse some readers.

· The article mentions that the World Health Organization has not yet recognized excessive Internet use as a disorder, it may be worth exploring why this is the case.

· It might be useful to include more information about treatment options for individuals who are struggling with Internet addiction disorder. The article briefly mentions that evidence-based recommendations are difficult to develop due to the lack of standardized definitions. But it does not provide any concrete suggestions for how individuals can seek help.

· The theoretical model section is quite brief and could benefit from a more comprehensive overview of the different theoretical perspectives on IAD.

· The Effect of COVID-19 section provides a good summary of the findings from the study by Masaeli and Farhadi, but it would be helpful to include additional studies on the impact of the pandemic on IAD.

· The section on internet gaming disorder provides a good overview of the issue, but it could be improved by including more recent research on the topic. It would benefit from additional sources and a detailed discussion of the symptoms and treatment options for this disorder.

· The draft uses some technical terms without explaining them. For example, the term "BOLD fMRI" is used without explanation. It would be helpful to provide definitions or explanations for technical terms like this.

· Some sentences could benefit from clearer phrasing or more precise language. For example, the sentence "Pornography addiction is often defined operationally by the frequency of pornography viewing and negative consequences" could be rephrased clearer.

· The section on Wikipedia addiction is brief and lacks detail. It would be helpful to provide more information on what is meant by addiction to Wikipedia and what research has been done on this topic.

· It would be helpful to provide more specific examples of how interpersonal difficulties can lead to internet addiction, and to cite specific studies that support this claim.

· When discussing neurobiological factors that contribute to internet addiction, it may be helpful to explain the concepts of neuromediators and their role in addiction susceptibility in more detail, as this may be unfamiliar to some readers.

The last suggestion I have would be to provide examples of specific interventions or treatments that have been used to address IAD, beyond the general recommendation to target specific groups and underlying factors. I mentioned this earlier, but it might be a missing link. You could almost make this the last subsection of your article draft. I think having that there for the reader might be good for people struggling with internet addiction disorder.

This article was very thorough and well put together. These are just some editing tips I saw that could be changed or taken into consideration. I liked the structure and organization of the draft a lot. Was very easy to scroll through and read. Keep up the good work and take the suggestions with a grain of salt.