User:BartHarleyJarvis/Human jaw shrinkage/Bberumen Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

BartHarleyJarvis


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_jaw_shrinkage?action=edit


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
The topic was interesting, and I really enjoyed reading this article! I thought you did a great job introducing and explaining your topic in the lead section. The rest of the content in the article was well explained and relevant to your topic. I only had a few suggestions. I would suggest putting hyperlinks on "malocclusion" and "hypotonia" because I don't think these terms are commonly known. Also while reading the article, I found some sentences would flow better if they were split up into two sentences instead of putting them into one long sentence. Otherwise, I thought the article was well organized and an interesting read. I hope my comments don't get removed, but if they do, these are the two sentences I would suggest changing.

Researchers know the basic lifestyle practices of many of these past cultures, being able to link burial sites of past hunter-gatherer societies with larger jaws and mouths, while bones retrieved from former farming cultures have higher rates of decreased jaw size, along with the presence of dental malocclusions, commonly known as non-straight teeth.

The general trend of jaw and oral cavity shrinkage, as well as dental malocclusion presence, have been observed in burial remains across Eurasia, including analysis of remains from areas thought to be in situ (origin) to agriculture, such as those in the Levant region, dated to about 12,000 years ago, which are thought to be where humans were first transitioning from hunting and gathering to a more agricultural lifestyle, with some populations relying on agriculture more than others.

Ben's response to peer review:
I'm glad you liked the article and that it was interesting for you. I'm in the process of adding hyperlinks throughout the article, so I'll be sure to add those specifically regarding hypotonia and malocclusion. Also, thank you for pointing out my run-on sentences and pasting them in here; this is a definite weakness of my writing as I tend to want to keep a sentence going to finish a thought, even though I can do the same within multiple consecutive sentences. I appreciate the feedback!