User:BartHarleyJarvis/Human jaw shrinkage/Lsmith44 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

BartHarleyJarvis


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BartHarleyJarvis/Human_jaw_shrinkage/Lsmith44_Peer_Review?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
This was an interesting topic! I enjoyed getting to read this article, it taught me a lot about the human jaw. I thought that this article had a good length to it as well as a nice neutral tone so that it didn't sound like the author was trying to persuade the reader of anything. One thing I might change has to do with the Etiology section. It seems like the last paragraph of that section starts to deviate from the original point of the section, so a suggestion I have is to maybe make that paragraph a subsection. That way, it is sort of on its own and the section stays related to etiology. Overall, the content of this article is very strong and I found it a very interesting read! Good job!

Ben's response to peer review:
Thanks for these comments, I'm happy you got some enjoyment from the article. I tried to keep the article as neutral as I could but I have a tendency to write persuasively, so I'm going to look back over it and find any remaining instances where I was guilty of this. Regarding that last subsection, I totally agree that I should create a subsection for it, which I'm thinking will be "breathing mode", so mouth-breathing and nasal-breathing will be lumped together in this section.