User:Batuolana/False Advertising/Ngwanyana Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Batuolana


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Batuolana/False Advertising - Wikipedia
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * False advertising - Wikipedia

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

Edited Section -> False advertising

Addition -> This false portrait is created inform of common understandable language that will appear familiar to consumers, where different formats of the same false message will affect how buyers see the product and would want to consume it too.

In Italics is the text exactly how it was in the draft.

The draft does a good job of highlighting the section that is being improved as well as highlighting how it was improved, as seen above in the note that there was an addition as well as what the addition was. The draft also highlights the exact part of a source that was used, which makes it easy to double-check that the language of the draft is different from that of the source in which the information came from. The language used in the addition could be clearer as the sentence is long and requires an audience to re-read the sentence before understanding what is stated. Breaking up the sentence into two could help in making the message clear and easy to follow for an audience. The source used for this addition is a credible source, which is useful for improving Wikipedia articles.

Edited Section -> Addition of A whole new section that deals with the consequence of false advertising

Addition ->

1. Ethical Consequences - Thesis - In the practice of deontology, a form of ethics, the use of false or misleading will be concidered wrong because in the case of advertising, this form of ethics values the honesty to customers rather than the loyalty to the company one's working forIn Italics is the text exactly how it was in the draft.

This part of the draft seems like a great addition to the article as the original article does not mention the consequences of false advertising, which is an important section that an audience might need to know more about. As the addition mentions deontology, the addition could also provide a link to the Wikipedia article on deontology for readers who might not be familiar with it. This would make the writing more concise. The language used could also be more accurate; instead of concidered, use considered, and instead of one's, use one is. Using the word wrong might suggest that the writing is aiming to persuade a reader, instead of just informing about false advertising in a neutral way. The source used for this addition is also from a credible source, which is helpful for improving Wikipedia articles.

2. Social Media Consequences - The advertising regulations of a company via other streams is different from the regulation on social media, and while it still brings liability to the company, false advertising is more prevalent on social media.

In Italics is the text exactly how it was in the draft.

This part of the draft provides a useful addition to the article and it is clearly written, with no resemblance to the source that the information came from originally. The source used for this addition is from a journal article which suggests that it is also from a credible source which can enrich Wikipedia articles.

3. Competitive Loss - Due to deceptive marketing, the rise of sales that will result from the false advertisement one company has made will affect the sales of another company that manufactures similar substitute good.

In Italics is the text exactly how it was in the draft.

The source used for this addition is from a journal article which suggests that the information is from a credible source which is helpful for Wikipedia articles. The language used in the addition also does a good job of differentiating from the language used in the source that the information came from, which helps to avoid plagiarism and ensures that the changes from this draft can remain up on Wikipedia when they are added to the main article that they are improving. For more accuracy in the addition, an 's' could be added to the last word of the sentence as goods seems more appropriate.

Edited Section -> False advertising

''Addition -> The manipulation of advertisements can be of two kinds. It can wither be false advertisement where the ad displayed is factually wrong or it can be manipulative where the ad is not evidently wrong but is deceptive in a sense that it does not give an honest depiction of what the product is.''

In Italics is the text exactly how it was in the draft.

The source used for this addition is also from a journal article which suggests that the information is from a credible source which is helpful for improving Wikipedia articles. The draft does a good job of adding information that is not in the original article but is useful to the article. The addition adds charity as it describes the forms of depiction generally unlike the original article that starts by mentioning the different types of deception. The language used in the addition could be clearer to ensure that readers can easily follow what is discussed by using 'either' instead of 'whither'.