User:Bcaillouet25/Négritude/Enitalic Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Bcaillouet25


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Bcaillouet25/N%C3%A9gritude?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Négritude

Evaluate the drafted changes
I really enjoyed this draft. I looked over the original page and your sandbox and I was quite impressed by how well you organized all of the information, in addition to your contributions. I was able to comprehend so much more information within the text due to you organization and bracketing. I think the choice to divide the one section into influences, Pre-Negritude, and Development during the 20th century, was very apt. You may not have time for this, but it may be cool to add an additional section on influential or key figure since you mention and discuss so many. It wouldn't need to be in depth, a simple list section would do, but it may be a good resource for the page to organize all the different names. If there is one thing that I think your article could improve on, it would be additional and clearer citations. You provide so much great information and it would be frustrating to have it disregarded due to a perceived lack of credibility behind it.

Therefore, the first change I would make would be to add the rest of your sources, because currently I can only see three. Similarly, the second thing I would do is to reflect the references in the text through citations. The third section of the text has many gaps in citation that may take away from credibility. I know that a lot of it is from the original page, so it is not your fault, but I would see if I can find sources that corroborate the information and use them to increase the credibility. The third thing I noticed is that one part of your draft accidentally repeats. It probable just happened when you were re-organizing, so I would not stress, but I wanted to bring it to your attention. I've bolded and quoted it here, "Although each of the initiators had his own ideas about the purpose and styles of Négritude, the philosophy was characterized generally by opposition to colonialism, denunciation of Europe's alleged inhumanity, and rejection of Western domination and ideas. The movement also appears to have had some Heideggerian strands in the sense that its goal was to achieve black people's' "being-in-the-world", to emphasize that black individuals did have a history and a worthy culture capable of standing alongside the cultures of other countries as equals. Also important was the acceptance of and pride in being black and a celebration of African history, traditions, and beliefs. Their literary style was realistic and they cherished Marxist ideas.

Development during the 20th century '''Although each of the initiators had his own ideas about the purpose and styles of Négritude, the philosophy was characterized generally by opposition to colonialism, denunciation of Europe's alleged inhumanity, and rejection of Western domination and ideas. The movement also appears to have had some Heideggerian strands in the sense that its goal was to achieve black people's' "being-in-the-world", to emphasize that black individuals did have a history and a worthy culture capable of standing alongside the cultures of other countries as equals. Also important was the acceptance of and pride in being black and a celebration of African history, traditions, and beliefs. Their literary style was realistic and they cherished Marxist ideas"'''.

Last, this is more of a stylistic/mechanical issue, but I felt that this section was a bit confusing, "Damas was a French Guianese poet and National Assembly member. He had a militant style of defending "black qualities" and rejected any kind of reconciliation with Caucasians. Two particular anthologies were pivotal to the movement, which would serve as manifestos for the movement. One was published by Damas in 1946, Poètes d'expression française 1900–1945. Senghor would then go on to publish Anthologie de la nouvelle poésie nègre et malgache de langue française in 1948. Damas's introduction to the anthology and the anthology was meant to be a sort of manifesto for the movement, but Senghor's own anthology eventually took that role. Though it would be the "Preface" written by French philosopher and public intellectual Jean-Paul Sartre for the anthology that would propel Négritude into the broader intellectual conversation."

For the first bolded section, I think the third sentence should be restructured as, "the second was Anthologie de la nouvelle poésie nègre et malgache de langue française which was published by Senghor in 1948". This would fit the original flow of the section better because it is not overtly clear that this is the second part of the two part anthologies. For the second bolded part, I would the word "itself" after anthology, for additional clarity. For the last bolded section, I would use more clarifying language because I wasn't sure whether you were referring to an anthology already mentioned or a separate anthology. The word "anthology" is just mentioned a lot, but in seemingly different ways. I am not confident in how to compensate for that, but with the information that you've accumulated, I think that you can keep or make adjustments as you see fit.

This was a great read, I gained a lot of insight from the information and the organization. I think that moving the "influences" section to the beginning of the page was a game changer and it made me want to think more critically about my own page and its organization. Your sources that I did see also looked great and I definitely want to read them if I have time in the future. Also, great internal linking!