User:Bcmcelwee03/Evaluate an Article

Amarna Art
Amarna art

Why you have chosen this article to evaluate?
I have always been fascinated by ancient Egyptian art, and the Amarna period is a stark contrast from the strict decorum of all other ancient Egyptian art.

Evaluate the article
For starters, the lead could be shortened and made more concise. Detailing the famous Bust of Nefertiti is not very necessary for the first paragraph, and contradicts the sentence before it identifying the exaggerated features of this period. In addition, the line, "the Amarna style was a significant and sudden break from its predecessor, which was restored after Akhenaten's death," comes off as a little bit confusing for a reader with no prior knowledge. It could be beneficial to rephrase the statement for better clarification. Perhaps by separating the two ideas; the Amarna style was very different from all other early Egyptian art periods and; the style only lived for as long as Akhenaten, its creator, would be easier for a reader to understand.

The rest of the introductory paragraphs are good, but there are some problems with word choice such as; "the illustration of figures' hands and feet are apparently important." The word "apparently" sounds immature for a professional writing, and it also sounds opinionated, which should be avoided in informational articles. It also raises the question, "according to who?" Who thought the hands and feet were important? There are other attributes of this period I would consider more important, and the article does not even explain the significance of the hands and feet- it just says they were "apparently important." In all other aspects of tone throughout the article, it remains neutral as it should.

As with all ancient history, there is only so much information available, but the article does a decent job at covering the different characteristics of the Amarna period, and includes images of notable works for the viewer to better understand them. In regards to the organization, the three divisions between "Tombs", "Sculpture", and "Architecture" are okay, but there are important objects from this period that do not fall under any of these three categories, and are included in picture, but are not well explained in their significance. More specifically, the stele of Akhenaton and his family and the relief painting of his two daughters should have more details along with their images. The gallery of images shows a decent variety of objects, but not all are properly credited to their sources, and most lack information of their material, date, and significance. The article also only mentions the practice of sunken relief continuing after the Amarna period, but there are other characteristics that stick even after Akhenaten's death such as; sex/age polychromy, fleshy lips, and egg-shaped heads.

The WikiProject is rated as Start-Class for it's quality and of Mid-Importance. The Talk page also brings into the light the imbalance of information between the lead and the body. The lead is too heavy, and the body paragraphs are too light. It was also stated that the article made reference to images in terms of direction(as in: the image to the left), which is not a reliable way of referring to an object when the web page could take many forms depending on the device, but this seems to have been corrected since then.

Overall, the project is a good start, but is in need of reorganizing and addition of details often overlooked. More in depth descriptions of works and their individual characteristics would give a reader a greater grasp on not just the art period, but also the Amarna era of ancient Egypt.