User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people/Alabamagold Peer Review

General info
Bec1970
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Effects of pornography on young people

Evaluate the drafted changes
The first notable critic that I can give is that the grammar needs a bit of a brush up. I saw several grammatical errors such as repeated words, random words in the sentences, and a couple times where there was lack of punctuation. I also thought that the last 2 - 3 sentences seemed like mostly they discussed a lot of impacts of porn without providing substantial evidence for example Bec1970 discusses how porn impacts mental health. I think maybe adding more sources about these impacts will help make it more reputable.

General info
Cmk21
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Effects of pornography on young people

Evaluate the drafted changes
The first thing I noticed was that paragraph mentions a study but does not provide a reference or citation for readers to access the original research. Also the paragraph mentions the "right caudate of the striatum" without explaining what this means. To enhance understanding, it might be a good to provide a brief explanation or definition of anatomical terms and their relevance to the study.

General info
Flamenquera
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Effects of pornography on young people

Evaluate the drafted changes
For this paragraphs you provide some valuable insights into the topic but I think it might benefit from a clearer structure. Consider introducing a brief, informative introduction to set the context for the discussion. Also In the first paragraph, you use the term "problematic pornography use (PPU)" is introduced, but it is not explained. You could maybe provide a brief definition or context to ensure that all readers understand the terminology. The second paragraph on associations with addictions mentions "a change in the way you live your life" and "caring less about your duties," but it could be more powerful with concrete examples or quantifiable measures of change to illustrate the severity of the issue.