User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people/Jld20eo Peer Review

General info
User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Bec1970/Effects of pornography on young people
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Effects of pornography on young people

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)

After reading the sandbox and comparing it to the original article itself, it is clear that this group is working on diving deeper into a person's behavior and brain capacity after watching pornography. They provided many good studies in their updates, with many statistical facts. The original article did not support their claims of how this addiction can impact their brain and behavior. Overall, the lead still needs to be updated with these new additions. They only fully introduced this topic in full after diving into their research. The added writing has no significant grammatical errors. I wish they had put how recent the studies were conducted to establish credibility. They could merge the "associations with addiction" and the "impact on sexual activity and overall behavior" sections because they both mention behaviors associated with this addiction.

Overall, they did a great job adding more studies and information on the behaviors to this article. I think it'll all tie together once the new sections are added to the original article.