User:Beefjerkyisgood

Birth
John Doe was born January 12th, 1991, in St. Louis, Missouri. John wasn't so much "born" as just happened to exist all at once. Due to his divine nature, described later, John exploded into the earth in a majestic cloud of pure ecstasy. He then created 2 most physically perfect beings to stand in as his parents. Awesome.

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Education
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John attended PS 91 in Richmond Heights, Missouri, and up until the 8th grade, when administration events caused his entire class to turn on the school, he enjoyed peace and happiness. Luckily, he graduated in 2005 and because his grades were excellent, he moved on to high school, where he is currently enduring the last stretch of his junior year. He recently got a 30 on his ACT. He currently goes to school. Should any of this information be used in declaring whether or not he should be hired for a specific position, do not take any of what you read here seriously other than the following statements: "Chris Saville is clearly the best person in the world, bar none. He's holier than Ghandi, smarter than Gettier and is so good at being awesome, he can figure out a way to talk about himself on someone else's wikipedia page. If that's not manipulation for the greater good, I am lost."

Personal Life
John has in his words "the best taste in music" and listens to all types of music ranging from Tupac Shakur to Sublime to Slayer. He is known for his dry, sometimes random humor. He lives in America with his parents. Both his parents are extremely attractive. He is fortunate to have such great friends.He has a large dog that he named Dave that he hates but all of his friends love. Interests include watching horror movies and moving road signs in the interest of improving motor traffic during heightened periods of tumultuous, anxiety producing driving. Of course, it was chunky, because that's what he desires, and whatever he desires, falls from the heavens in droves. No one ever heard of his heroics, however, due to the fact that he's so modest, he even created the notion of being modest. You might think to yourself "How can he create a notion that's been around since the beginning of time?" The answer is as follows: He is outside of space and time. Should any employers read this page, please understand that this is all a joke. Other than the fact that he is outside of time and space. That's real. In fact, once you hire him, you might as well just refer to him as God. The Holiest Host of all things or Lord of Utmost Wonder would also suffice.

Music Taste
Extending his music knowledge has taken the primary focus in his life. As stated above, he has the best taste in music out of any of his friends. If he says that a song/band is good, you listen to him despite whatever common sense may tell you. Because you are wrong. Period.