User:Beetricks/Cat on the Roof/in Tucker's Perspective/Melanie Miller

The adventurous... the eco-conscious... Melanie Nox Fallon, as much as her twin loves her, she was a wickedly neglectful mujer. How is she going to go missing for two years (for some cat piss, mind you), leave us to mourn with no instruction guide, and then turn up at some stupid game show she knew our son was going to watch?? It's almost like she loves animals more than human beings (I am totally not a hypocrite)

Argh, I should've known what those Nat Geo bitches were up to.

Roots
She was born in England, came back and forth here, and only had to attend middle school there. Her parents are American, though my guess for them moving to the UK was that they weren't proud enough. Shame.

According to Jill's DNA results on Ancestry.com, she's Irish, French and English. No seasoning in the blood, unless you count shamrocks as being edible(they aren't).

How we met
It was the 1989 World Series, and in the audience I kept thinking that it should've me playing that game. Our team missed out on the championship for at least 5 years. When I was on the field that day, it was to congratulate one of my best buddies Brad. The celebration was sweet, short and simple. Or at least it should've been because then some psycho asked us for an autograph. She looked like she wanted more than that so we gave in, chatted for a bit and voila! Her true intention was so I could be one of her muses, just like how Picasso wanted his women.

As I left poor Brad to his teammates, the girl told me her name was Jillianna. Yes reader, I'm dead serious, that is Jill's real name. In secret when night fell and the finals were over, she invited me to her studio. I was told to get changed into simply a robe, and that her assistant (Jay Shapiro) would do me a makeover: back then, I was really desperate, so I gave in. Shit didn't really hit the fan until I met the white backdrop: at once Jay undressed me. What the fuck, where are my clothes? was my immediate thought in my head. The photos were going to be completely her artistic direction, so, again, I gave in. None of the poses were erotic to my pleasant surprise, as Jill did everything to make sure my dick stayed far away from the camera lens. Click! Click! Click! Three times the shutter did its job. Within a minute, the photoshoots were done and pictures were going to be references for a fabric art piece.

She put the final paintings in one sheet trimmed into 3. While I'm more than indifferent to the fact that the product were shown to a dozen somebodies, why Mel out of anybody else? Anyway, apparently Melanie hated the thing at first. Now that should've ended there, but she saw that I was a famous athlete and just went gaga with it. Ugh. Usually, I can't stand my female fans but I can look past it if they're yummy, and my God was she. Her red hair, perfect eyebrows, green eyes, beautiful slender nose and fit physique... I thought I saw Athena. It was pure lust at first sight, no love, but all of us three gave in to it.

The meetups would manifest romantic dates would happen. The eventual dates would turn into a proposal. The proposal finally made way for a wedding. I've seen better weddings.

Divorce
That's what happens when the sex smells like sardines, your wife leaves you for two years and some cat piss, and when you party then she comes back home to cry victim.

Trivia

 * She became everything I hate on women very slowly.
 * No, I'm not grateful that she defended me when the tabloids bullied me for my appearance, anybody could have done that
 * She has an odd taste in men.
 * She's American though I found sometimes she might have ended up speaking British by accident in an argument
 * "No, I'm nawt having any of it, Tuckuhhh! Put that dong uhwaaay"
 * "Notttt naow Tuckuh. Maybe Chewsday, I dunno. Don't really kehh"
 * Our marriage was purely young love.
 * N-word count: 5, thanks for the tally Nicolle!