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Practice Editing Here (Nov 23rd in-class Wiki session work)

 * Depression in childhood and adolescence.

Assignment # 3
Before:
 * Note: You will be emailing your assignment # 3 directly to your tutor, however, please paste a version here that excludes your personal information. This will allow us to support your efforts on Wikipedia prior to editing "live" in the article.

In childhood, males and females appear to be at equal risk for depressive disorders; during adolescence, however, females are twice as likely as males to develop depression, there is more pressure for girls to fit into society, meet the societal standard for how a girl should conduct herself and how she should behave and once girls cannot live up to certain standards they end up feeling bad about themselves. Before adolescence rates of depression are about the same in girls and boys, it is not until between the ages of 11-13 that is begins to change. Young girls around this age, physically, go through more changes than young boys as such they have to look like a barbie doll to be deemed attractive which put that a higher risk for depression and hormonal imbalance. It is known that girls experience menstruation, something that boys do not experience while going through puberty. This is suspected to be a cause for girls to have a higher prevalence of depression than boys, with the consensus that hormonal fluctuations may render individual women to be more vulnerable to depression. The fact that increased prevalence of depression correlates with hormonal changes in women, particularly during puberty, suggests that female hormones may be a trigger for depression.

After:

In childhood, males and females appear to be at equal risk for depressive disorders; during adolescence, however, females are twice as likely as males to develop depression. Specifically, the onset of the sex gap in depression correlates with the onset of puberty, when females begin to experience significant gonadal hormone fluctuations. The increased prevalence of depression in females compared to males is again outstanding during the postpartum and perimenopausal periods. These findings suggest that dramatic fluctuations in hormones among females during puberty may render adolescent females more vulnerable to depression, although the underlying mechanism is not known.

Proposed changes and rationale for proposed changes


 * Change “boys” and “girls” to “males” and “females” respectively
 * Boys/girls refer to gender while males/females refer to sex
 * It is the physiological differences associated with sex that are proposed to bear an effect on the vulnerability to depression between males and females
 * Should use sex rather than gender in this context


 * Add new citation to the first sentence of the paragraph (and all subsequent sentences)
 * This is not cited, but I am able to find another, more recent (2015) source that supports this claim
 * Citation to be used for this sentence, and subsequent all sentences/changes: Gobinath, A. (2015). Influence of sex and stress exposure across the lifespan on endophenotypes of depression: focus on behavior, glucocorticoids, and hippocampus. Frontiers in Neuroscience., 8, 420. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2014.00420


 * Remove the following: “there is more pressure for girls to fit into society, meet the societal standard for how a girl should conduct herself and how she should behave and once girls cannot live up to certain standards they end up feeling bad about themselves
 * This is claim is not cited, and I am unable to find a new source to substantiate the claim
 * It must be removed as it is disseminating information that is not supported by the scientific community


 * Remove the following: “Before adolescence rates of depression are about the same in girls and boys, it is not until between the ages of 11-13 that is begins to change”
 * This is redundant (conveys the same message as the first sentence of the paragraph)
 * Redundancy can be confusing, and may deter the visitor from continuing their reading


 * Remove the following: “Young girls around this age, physically, go through more changes than young boys as such they have to look like a barbie doll to be deemed attractive which put that a higher risk for depression and hormonal imbalance.”
 * This is claim is not cited, and I am unable to find a new source to substantiate the claim
 * It must be removed as it is disseminating information that is not supported by the scientific community


 * Reword the following: “It is known that girls experience menstruation, something that boys do not experience while going through puberty. This is suspected to be a cause for girls to have a higher prevalence of depression than boys, with the consensus that hormonal fluctuations may render individual women to be more vulnerable to depression.”
 * The wording of the beginning of this section makes it sound as though menstruation is the underlying cause of female vulnerability to depression in adolescence, while the literature actually proposes the hormonal fluctuations associated with puberty to be the underlying cause
 * There is no mention of the association between depression in women and hormonal changes at later stages in life – this would further support the notion that the increased prevalence of depression in females during adolescence may be associated with the dramatic hormonal fluctuations during puberty
 * New wording: “Specifically, the onset of the sex gap in depression correlates with the onset of puberty, when females begin to experience significant gonadal hormone fluctuations. The increased prevalence of depression in females compared to males is again outstanding during the postpartum and perimenopausal periods.”


 * Reword the following: “The fact that increased prevalence of depression correlates with hormonal changes in women, particularly during puberty, suggests that female hormones may be a trigger for depression.”
 * This wording states that female hormones themselves trigger depression in females, when it is actually fluctuations in these hormones that has been associated with increased prevalence of depression in females
 * It is important to note that there has not been a mechanism identified in the association between hormonal changes and vulnerability to depression
 * New wording: “These findings suggest that dramatic fluctuations in hormones among females during puberty may render adolescent females more vulnerable to depression, although the underlying mechanism is not known.”)

Controversy about planned changes

Although studies have previously shown a correlation between the sex gap in depression and fluctuations in female gonadal hormones, no studies have been able to definitively prove causation. This may thus be a controversial topic to some, but it is currently the most widely accepted explanation proposed by the scientific community. To mitigate some of the backlash that may arise from this claim, I have made sure to mention that it is not definitive (“These findings suggest that dramatic fluctuations in hormones among females during puberty may render adolescent females more vulnerable to depression, although the underlying mechanism is not known.”).

Critique of source

The majority of the primary sources referred to in the review paper cited for this assignment are animal studies investigating the influence of sex on vulnerability to depression. Although there have been many parallels between the findings of some of these animal studies and other human studies (also included in the review), the findings of a few of these animal studies have not yet been investigated or corroborated in humans. For example, one study found that, in a murine model, adolescent males are more sensitive to social stressors but adolescent females are more sensitive to multimodal stressors in terms vulnerability to depression. For the purpose of this assignment, I decided to omit findings like these, which were not confirmed in humans, as they may not hold true in humans and may thus be misleading. Aside from this, there seem to be no biases or other concerns with the selected source.

What to post on the Wikipedia article talk page?

 * This will also be covered on Nov 23rd in class. Your group should use the below template to share an outline of your proposed improvements (including your new wording and citations). Article talk pages are not places to share your assignment answers. The Wikipedia community will be more interested in viewing your exact article improvement suggestions including where you plan to improve the article (which section), what wording you suggest, and the exact citation (Note: all citations must meet WP:MEDRS)
 * You will not be able to paste citations directly from your sandbox to talk pages (unless you are interested in editing/learning Wiki-code in the "source editing" mode). We suggest re-adding your citations on the talk page manually (using the cite button and populating the citation by pasting in the DOI, website, or PMID). You will have to repeat this process yet again when you edit the actual article live.
 * Talk Page Template: CARL Medical Editing Initiative/Fall 2020/Talk Page Template