User:Bettaspld

Doug-Pression
This is a sad and unfortunate case of somebody who happens to have been given the name "Doug" at birth. In many cases they are sad throughout their childhood and through the teen years. When they reach the age of about 20, it becomes a real problem. This is where general sadness becomes a full fledged "depression". Many people are completely incapable of feeling the level of sadness that a Doug would embody. They seem to seek out small living quarters as if to create their own little "Sad world". To our knowledge there is no known cure for Doug-Pression, but we do know that few things relieve the pain. When the family tree of a Doug is assessed, we soon discover there is a prominence of "Lesbianism". This may or may not have something to do with it. Often he will leave town to go to one of these "Lesbianism" affected family members. He often will return with some food, this food may be the only potential "fix" for a "Doug-Pressed" affected individual. It appears that he may fill his time with random guitar playing and often has an extremely high voice. This voice may be suitable for a 9 year old girl, but for a 20 year old man, it's quite astonishing. Dr. Blume and Dr. Quinn have studied this individual, but to this day, they have conclusive results that show there is no medicinal fix for him.

"Doug-pression is a serious condition affecting young adult males named Doug. A current study examined the correlation between the name Doug and depression-like symptoms. Results give evidence to support that anyone by the name Doug is seriously doomed to doug-pression." -Dr. Quinn.