User:Bgiauque/Polyamory/Ellietuskluvr Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

bgiaque's work on the article titled "Polyamory"


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Polyamory
 * Polyamory

Evaluate the drafted changes
DISCLAIMER: This peer review is more of a general review on the article as bgiaque did not seem to have a sandbox with any edits.

LEAD:

1ST PARAGAPH: Second sentence should start with "Many who identify..." so that the sentence following it (the one starting with "others..") makes more sense. Third sentence could also add "chosen group" instead of just "group".

2ND PARAGRAPH: The last sentence of here is kind of confusing and seems unnecessary.

Overall, I think the lead gives sufficient description of polyamory. I would maybe focus on adding descriptions of the sections that are covered within the article.

SECTIONS:

TERMINOLOGY:

-I would delete the last sentence as the Greek-derivation is already explained in the lead.

-I think that the idea of "consent" being a "vital component" is incredibly important and should have its own section.

AS A PRACTICE:

-Link "extra-dyadic" to a wiki page that defines it.

-Describe the "other non-monogamy relationships" that are referred to in paragraph 2, sentence 4.

-Explore the sentence with citation #30. What purpose does it serve?

-Last sentence of paragraph 2 is unnecessary.

-Last paragraph of this section would do better in the Lead, in my opinion. Fix grammar (tense used) of "estimating" in sentence 2. How feminism relates to polyamory does not belong attached to this paragraph, it could essentially be its own section. The Covid-19 sentence is also awkwardly placed and not needed.

VALUES:

Fidelity and loyalty: The first paragraph seems more like it could be under a section called "Types of Polyamory". Sentence starting with " For some, polyamory functions..." is already stated elsewhere. The remainder of the paragraph is more in line with what should be included in this section.

Communication and negotiation: Need citations in the beginning.

Trust, honesty, dignity, and respect: Second sentence is the only necessary sentence.

Non-possessiveness: good

Compersion: Citation for the definition is needed.

Difficulties: Does this belong in the Values section?

LEGAL ISSUES AND LEGAL RECOGNITION:

-good

PREVALENCE:

-Simple grammatical edits needed in paragraph 2. Citations needed in paragraph 1 and 2.

ACCEPTANCE BY RELIGIONS:

-This could be added to by finding a stat that shows how many people consider themselves religious in our world and then possibly finding more interesting religious commentary on polyamory.

ACCEPTANCE BY NON-RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS:

-I am assuming this could be a part of the article that you could contribute to a lot.

IN A CLINICAL SETTING:

-All of paragraph 1 is missing citations.

MEDIA REPRESENTATION

-good

POLYAMORY- RELATED OBSERVANCES:

-I am sure there are plenty of new observances that you could add to this.

POLYAMORY RIGHTS ORGANIZATIONS:

-I feel like this section should be further up, potentially as part of the "legal issues and legal recognition" section.

CRITICISM:

-Could we find sources that share criticism from lawmakers, government, etc.?