User:Bherrin3/William Pulgram/Erinbascom Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Corefire07, Jcappotto, Bherrin3


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Bherrin3/William Pulgram


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * William Pulgram

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: no changes have been made

Content: Good start- continue to revise your sentences to make paragraphs. Also, there seems to be missing information compared to the existing article. Make sure you include all significant information in your new draft and include it equally. I think you have a great start just work on organization and continuing to add content

Tone and Balance: Use a hierarchy of sections and subsections to aid in organization and balance (see below). Tone is unbiased but make sure you use complete sentences- some are fragments or seem to be copied from other sections.

Sources and References: Looks good, good number of sources, properly sourced and quality sources.

Organization: For Biography, perhaps organize by having a section called 'Biography' then subsections for career, education, childhood, etc. - a hybrid between the existing article and your draft. Then a new section called 'Professional Work' and have the various subsections. This will help communicate the different sections visually while avoiding long lists of sections like in the existing article or big blocks of section like in your draft.

Images and Media: No images. Please add images to add interest and visual information to the page.