User:Black-Velvet/BJokes

Below are some... well... really crappy jokes.


 * An American visitor from New York was being shown around London by an upper-class Englishman. When they arrived in Trafalgar Square, the New Yorker was amazed at the sight of thousands and thousands of pigeons. 'Gee!' he exclaimed, 'look at all dem boids!' 'Not boids,' said the rather snooty Englishman. 'You should call them birds.' 'Well,' replied the American, ' ' dey sure choips like boids!'


 * City boy (visiting country for the first time): 'That farmer's a magician.'
 * Country boy: 'What - old Farmer Giles? How do you know?'
 * City boy: 'He told me he was going to turn his cow into a field.'


 * What is a vacuum?
 * An empty space inhabited by the Pope.

Will you remember me?
 * I promise.

Forever?
 * Forever.

Are you sure?
 * Positive.

Knock-knock.
 * Who's there?

See, you've forgotten me already...

Don't be sexist. Broads hate it when you're sexist.

* How do you make a peanut laugh? * You crack it up.

* How do you make a witch itch? * Take away her W.

There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.

They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"

The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

"Are you ready?" they asked.

"Yes," he said.

And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.

Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"

"No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."