User:BlueCat976/Senet/Swaggyswaps Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

BlueCat976


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:BlueCat976/Senet?veaction=edit&preload=Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template


 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Senet

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead: There isn't much going on in the lead other than the name and some chronology. I would rephrase the first sentence you added as well as it seems out of place. At this point in the article, there is no indication of the key components. Maybe something like "Over the 2000 years of Egyptian gameplay, key components: a, b, c, remain unchanged."

Content: You added a lot of content, amazing. The content you added is informative, interesting, and well-organized. The paragraphs and other things you have added are worded and phrased very well. Near the end of the first paragraph under "History" consider changing "The game of senet" to "A game of" or just "Senet gameplay is depicted..." as "The game" sounds clunky. In the second paragraph when speaking on graffiti and senet, consider rephrasal concerning redundancy -- "however" and "just evidence" can seem redunant. "No senet boards have been dated to the Fifth to Sixth Dynasties, as there is only evidence of its existence" could be a way to rephrase. Most of my critique here is just to be careful about wording at the start and end of sentences. The content you added as well as evidence of senet is good.

Tone and Balance: Tone of the article is neutral. Balance focuses more heavily on the history of the game rather than the gameplay. How is senet played? What is the goal of the game? You mentioned reconstructions of the game and its rules at the end of the article. What are the rules that the historians found and added together? How does that add to the modern interpritation of senet?

Sources and References: Good amount of sources and references. Some could be utilized more in relation to gameplay.

Organization: Reorganizing the order of sections should be considered as well as the structure of "Modern Interpretation." Specifically the last two sentences of that section seem to contradict each other. You call the rules inaccurate to ancient gameplay, but then state how the modern sellers of senet use those rules. Rules which you have yet to detail and explain in the article.

Images and Media: There were a good amount of images in the original article.

Overall Impression: Thank you for bolding the text you added, it was very helpful. Overall a good article, just be warry of how you stucture your sentences within sections. It's written the way you would speak at some points.