User:Bmccann5/Mobile phone use in schools/Fflores09 Peer Review

General info
bmccann5
 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Mobile phone use in schools
 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * User:Bmccann5/Mobile phone use in schools
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)

Evaluate the drafted changes
Lead

Does the Lead include a brief description of the Article's sections?

The Lead references most of the Article's sections. One opportunity to strengthen the Lead is to mention that countries have taken a variety approaches to deal with the issue -- since the 'Regulations by country' section is relatively large. Perhaps referencing the outcome of Yondr use in schools later in the article would connect back to the Lead's last paragraph.

Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed?

The Lead does great work introducing the topic of mobile/cell phone use in schools and is sufficiently concise. Additionally, the Lead balances opposing points of view. Specifying "Moodle" and providing a reference strengthens the lead paragraph which mentions pros and cons of cell phone use in school.

Content

Is the content added relevant to the topic?

In the 'Studies' section adjusting the original percentage (100%) to 55%, which reflects the real survey is a great catch and adds to the article's credibility. Adding multiple references to the statement about the benefits of Moodle app use in the classroom is relevant to the section. I like how the article mentions useful 'built in' cell phone apps, such as file sharing, language translation, etc.

Is the content added up to date?

It seems like the Catelly article was published in 2018. If possible, include the year in the reference to the article.

Tone and Balance

Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented or underrepresented?

Currently, there is an overrepresentation of the view which restricts mobile phone use in school. As you point out in your notes at the beginning of your sandbox, to balance the article, you will cite more studies which favor the use of cell phones in school.

Sources and References

Are the sources thorough?

Your bibliography includes peer reviewed articles. Most of the original article's references (I counted about 40 out of the 60) point to news articles or online magazines. Leveraging the articles in your bibliography would strengthen the information presented in the article.

Overall impressions

How can the content be improved? You have identified areas of improvement at the beginning of the sandbox. In addition to the points you make about removing statements from weaker sources, including more cell phone applications which could be used in the classroom, perhaps the section of 'Regulations by Country' could somehow be summarized, or combined, by identifying common trends. It is important to gain worldwide views of cell phone use in school For example, if policies are similar, perhaps countries could be combined in the same paragraph. As mentioned above, paraphrasing the peer reviewed articles in your bibliography will solidify information regarding the positive/negative effects of mobile phone use in schools.

Fflores09 (talk) 19:29, 30 March 2024 (UTC)