User:Bobjones3512/Deer hunting/Eng101-801 Peer Review

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing?

Bobjones3512


 * Link to draft you're reviewing
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Bobjones3512/Deer_hunting?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_draft_template
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists)
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Deer_hunting&oldid=1081686277
 * https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Deer_hunting&oldid=1081686277

Evaluate the drafted changes
I reviewed Bob’s article draft titled “Deer hunting”. Bob provided a very basic-level explanation into deer hunting while also providing simple examples into different techniques. Bob includes some personal relevance in his lead, which I think is more standard of a persuasive essay than it is of a Wikipedia article, so I would advise him to leave that out; besides that, fragment, his lead establishes the subject of the article sets the stage for subsequent information to follow. The content of Bob’s article is definitely relevant and up to date. He omits his personal connection to the topic and entirely relies on two well-known sources, which is a huge improvement from the beginning of the article and displays neutrality. Finally, one thing Bob is very good at is maintain a flow; the organization of his writing didn’t overwhelm me and gave me just enough information in every paragraph so that I didn’t feel lost when I read the next one.