User:Bocaj Neerg/My Daily Journal Archives

June 4,2008
Exactly one year ago today something terrible happened to me.I walked in on something that I had known was going to happen, but I still wasn't prepared.Your never prepared for something like this.I went to my friend's house because she was crying over the phone and I thought it'd be a good thing to try and cheer her up.When I got there I knocked on the door.Nobody answered.I walked in and yelled her name.No answer.I walked up stairs and heard something fall in the bathroom.I knocked on the door and when I heard nohing I walked in.There was my friend....dead.She was lying naked in her bathtub....with her wrists slit all way down to her elbows.I can still smell the blood.Next to her was a note.The note read: "Dear Seth and Jacob, I'm sorry. You two were the only ones that ever cared for me. The only ones who defended me against my dad. The only ones who wanted me to live. But there are others who don't. And I can't take the beating anymore. I can't live anymore. Life wasn't for me. I love you,Julie." The note was written in blood.One month later, Seth, her boyfriend, killed himself.In the exact same way.I still visit their shared grave.Until my mom sent me here.Now....I weep....I don't know what else to do.I feel retarded writing this, but my advisor said that it'd be good for me.Happy Editing....  Mr. Green  Hit Me Up   Userboxes  16:06, 4 June 2008 (UTC)

June 6,2008
Yesterday was the hardest time of my life.I barely made it.All day I had to find new things to distract me.New things to hide the pain.Everytime I was just left there I almost started to cry.everyday since her death I've thought of the times we shared together.The days we could've shared together.Maybe if she hadn't died I wouldn't have started to do drugs.Maybe I wouldn't have rebeled against my mom.Or Maybe I would have done drugs anyways.Maybe I would've significantly hurt my family.I've already done so much bad in this world....Maybe it is time for me to go.I'm not sure, but maybe somebody up above is already waiting for me.Doubt it.My life here on Earth is going to be a long and sad one.Nothing significant today happened, except I downed my first six-pack, something I'm not particualry proud of at the moment.I'm still on my way to recovery, although I did make it quite far.  Mr. Green  Hit Me Up   Userboxes 

June 8,2008
So yesterday was a bit better.Last night I talked to the advisor who wanted me to do this.She's been having some troubles in court.Her ex-husband blamed her for stealing $3,000.Now she has to do all this court stuff.This Ranch might have to fire her.I told her that whenever something bad happens to me I just try to remember the good times.Like last Wednesday.I was only able to get through it because I remembered all the good things about Julie.So I told her to think about the good things that have happened throughout her life.I realy couldn't bear it if she had to get fired.She's like my mom.She's more like my mom then my mom ever was.... Mr. Green  Hit Me Up   Userboxes  15:51, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

June 9,2008
Today I will write an excerpt fom my weekly journal.It will provide an insight to my mind and how I think... Day 75:June 8,2008 ''This has been the worst week I've ever experianced here.Wednesday was the day that Julie died one year ago.I couldn't handle it.I tried to hold it in, but it all exploded on Saturday.Mike, that little wannabe "gangster", told me to shut up.Well, actually he yelled it to me.There are only a couple people I respect enough to actually let tell me to shut up.Mike is not one of them.He is one of the the rudest, selfish, uncaring, and greediest person I've ever met.plus he's in some dumb gang called "Imperial Rascals".It sounds like a bunch of teenagers got drunk and started a wannabe gang.The ther's the ongoing feeling that I've been ignored all my life.It feels like my family barely knew I existed.I'm going to be at this ranch until May.If I'm perfect.I can't into any trouble.Since I'm gonna be here for a while, I might as well try to improve myself.For Me.Noone else.Noone else cares enough to want me to.I think the saddest thing I've ever seen happened to me on my second week here.I already trusted the workers here more then I've can ever remember trusting my mom.Isn't it funny how life works out?  Mr. Green  Hit Me Up   Userboxes  15:51, 6 June 2008 (UTC)

June 10,2008
Tommarrow my "school"is having a fun day.We're all going to walk seven iles to the nearest store, buy sodas, and drive back.Then we're going to have a BBQ next to the pool.After that we're going to watch Stardust.I've never seen it, but its supposed to be good.Pretty much thats going to be our day.Today we're just going to go work out in the gym after 2 hours of work.Then we eat.Then we have Bible study.Then we sleep.Sounds fun doen't it.I hate my mom.I never had a problem before I came here.I never got into fights or stole.I did a couple drugs.I had a litle sex.And she gets all crazy on me.I wasn't at home ast summer either.She sent me away last summer to.Isn't thsat a great mom?Sending away your kids and letting some strangers raise them?When I have kids I will never ever send them away.I won't ever hurt them.Or Yell at them.I'll be the best parent there ever was.I promise you that.  Mr. Green  Hit Me Up   About Me  15:27, 10 June 2008 (UTC)

June 11,2008
So today is the fabeled "fun day".I don't know how this going to work out.I'm becoming increasingly angry at even the littelest things.I'm continually irritable and I can't figure out why.I think that by the time I leave here I will have gone crazy.I can already feel it chewing on the very edges of my mind.Getting closer and closer everyday.One day I will just snap.I hope I will be able to tell when that day happens.Don't you hate it when you get so mad that you blank out, and you have no idea WTF you did in the last five minutes?That very thing happened to me just the other day.I got so mad at Mike that I blanked out.It was crazy.I'm crazy.I don't know what I'm going to do.This place is suckingthe life out of me.I'm losing the will to live.... Mr. Green  Hit Me Up   About Me  16:21, 11 June 2008 (UTC)