User:BreVermilion/Dora Tamana/Purplelily21 Peer Review

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(provide username) BreVermilion
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 * Link to draft you're reviewing User:BreVermilion/Dora Tamana:
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists) Dora Tamana:

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Second Review

You've added a lot more information to the article, which is good. I think right now, the biggest thing to work on is revising the grammar, clarity, etc. and the organization. I've made comments in a number of spots where your wording could be improved, though be sure to also read and revise yourself for anything I may have missed. Additionally, the organization, especially in the section on her career needs more work. That section in particular goes to one topic to another within each paragraph, sentence to sentence. Try to make each paragraph about one topic in particular and make sure the flow makes logical sense. You also can be a little repetitive in this section, so make sure to edit for that. It may help to further subdivide this section into the different aspects of her career.

Dora Ntloko Tamana OLG (11 November 1901 – 23 July 1983) was a prominent South African anti-apartheid activist known for her unwavering commitment to social justice and equality. Her life and work were dedicated to challenging the oppressive apartheid regime in South Africa. Her experiences with the injustices perpetrated under apartheid fueled her determination to fight for a society where all individuals would be treated equally regardless of race or background. Tamana’s tireless efforts contributed significantly to the eventual dismantling of apartheid in South Africa. Her legacy continues to inspire generations of activists and remains a testament to the power of grassroots movements and collective action in the pursuit of justice and equality. (I'm not sure that last sentence is necesary here. It doesn't really say anything specific and makes the tone a little less neutral)

= Early Life (1901-1921)[edit] = Dora Tamana was born in 1901 to parents Minah and Joel Ntloko. She was the eldest of four children. She described her childhood as a picture of somber and isolation, in an untouched community of Hlobo, Transki, then part of the Cape Colony. So isolated that the nearest town Idutywa was an estimated four hour walk away (This is a sentence fragment). Tamana’s education consisted of attending school until the fourth standard (What age is this?/equivalent?), but was mainly self-educated. Much of her life consisted of living and working on her family’s land, where they worked together to look after their cattle and do household chores. As a teen Dora and her family converted to the Israelite denomination, a black church that believed in Jewish/ (and) Old Testament ideals. This religious group began to inhabit Ntabelanga. The South African government thought of this as illegal occupation of land and this led to the 1921 Bulhoek Massacre of Israelite sect members. This massacre inspired her to take action for the greater good of  Black South African life. (Maybe this massacre inspired her activism and fight against South African apartheid, this would be more specific)

= Career  (1930- 1981)[edit] = During World War II, she lived in the Blouvlei settlement, where she became politically active with the Cape Flats Distress Association (CAFDA), a group dedicated to improving poor living conditions for African and other communities. She was an executive member here where she set up vegetable gardens, and arranged for deliveries of fresh milk for the people in the settlements. She joined the Communist Party in South Africa (CPSA) during this time, and soon the African National Congress Women's League (ANCWL), which was created after women were allowed to join the congress. The league was used as a platform for Black South African women to advocate for national liberation and the anti-apartheid movement.

CSPA: She began involving herself with the Communist Party of South Africa (later known as the South African Communist Party - SACP) in the late 30s’ and met many prominent figures like Ray Alexander, someone who would become very close to her. This movement focused on issues related to housing and rent. She officially joined in 1942 as an executive member. A notable moment within this movement was As part of this group, Tamana creating created a nursery for children which would open up the door for allowed women to work and provide for their families. While the nursery was a success, and overall Dora’s (Use her last name) work, in 1948 the National Party (Who is this?) took control. The parties aspired to cause problems for African Americans as they would pass laws that would severely restrict African American choice of life. During this time, Tamana served as the secretary of the African National Congress Women’s League ANCWL. One of her roles was going door to door to encourage people to protest against the NP. (This last two sentences don't seem to fit in with the rest of the paragraph?)

Dora Tamana's particular interest was in self-help programs such as a food committee (Cape Town’s Women's Food Committee), a women's sewing cooperative, and a childcare program, which sought to have local authorities provide supplies (The wording is a little awkward here. Maybe Tamana had an interest in self-help programs including:). This was extremely useful during World War two when the Women's Food Committee pressured the government to bring those in need aid. In her Blouvlei/Blaauwvlei settlement in Cape Town, she became involved with the Athlone Committee for Nursery Education (Is this the same as the last paragraph?). The women of this committee were involved in establishing several schools in disadvantaged areas and they also founded the Maynardville Open-Air Theatre on December 1st, 1950 (as a fundraiser for charitable projects). Dora Tamana was joined by two other ladies from that committee, fellow Communist Party member Jean Bernadt and Athlone committee chair Margaret Molteno, to build a school and health center in Blouvlei. The three women worked to realize Dora Tamana's vision and they founded the Blouvlei Nursery School and Family Health Center in May of 1955.

She advanced women's struggles and organized her community and women in defiance campaigns against passing laws that limited people’s movement. While living in Blouvlei she became more politically active, especially through the South African Communist Party (CPSA). In her career, Dora Tamana eventually went on to take higher roles in the African National Congress Women’s League (ANCWL). One of her main highlights was when she became acting Secretary. Her involvement came from a perspective that was different from her constituents. She understood what it meant to come from a poor, rural and working class family. She would describe her political journey as a slow burn that further inflamed as she spent more time with people, learning from them. It was through Ray Alexander one of the founders of FEDSAW, in the CPSA where she was able to fully get herself involved in the anti-apartheid movement. She took a leadership role in the anti-pass movement in 1953, and in 1954 became National Secretary of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW). One of her first memorable actions in this role was giving the inaugural conference speech. FEDSAW had international relationships with the WIDF, which allowed her to go to the World Congress of Mothers in Lausanne, Switzerland.

The Federation of South African Women chose two delegates to attend the Congress of Mothers organized by the Women’s International Democratic Federation (WIDF) in 1955. Dora Tamana accompanied fellow delegate and founder of FEDSAW, Lilian Ngoyi to the Congress. The journey to the Congress of Mothers was not easy. Neither she nor Ngoyi had official passports since it was hard for women associated within this work to obtain one. Tamana and Ngoyi stowed away on a boat leaving Cape Town for Britain under false identities. They had constant anxiety during their entire trip as they were often stopped and asked for papers. They would lie and say that they are accompanying their husbands for bible classes in London. Lausanne was their primary destination but the two FEDSAW delegates were able to travel together to other locations like Germany, Switzerland, Romania, China and Russia. Traveling to other places enabled the two to immerse themselves in left winged discourse. But in 1955, after attending the World Congress of Mothers in Switzerland with Lillian Ngoyi, she was banned by the South African government from attending political meetings.

Harassed by police and rezoned out of Blouvlei, she was moved to Nyanga, where she remained for the rest of her life. In her sixties, she served two jail sentences for her activism, and her son Bothwell was imprisoned and sentenced to death, which was later changed to life imprisonment (he was later released, after Zimbabwe's independence). But she stayed active with women's protests into the 1970s. In 1978 she organized a rally in Cape Town that ended up establishing the United Women’s Association which was the forerunner for an organization that was later made, the United Women’s Organization. She spoke at the launching meeting of the United Women's Organization in 1981. Her poem exhorted the next generations of South African women to unite and act together for change:

You who have no words, speak.

You who have no homes, speak.

You who have no schools, speak.

You who have to run like chickens from the vulture, speak.

Let us share our problems so that we can solve them together.

We must free ourselves.

= Personal Life[edit] = After her father's death, Dora Ntloko had moved to Queenstwon by the 1930’s. She married John Tamana, with whom she had four children. Only one of her children survived. The other three died from tuberculosis and starvation. Living away from her husband for most of the time, Dora decided to move to Cape Town with him and had five children (? Did she have four or five children?). The two divorced and Dora took on the responsibility of raising her and her sister's children. After the divorce, she took her children and moved to Blaauwvlei. Dora Tamana died in 1983, aged 82 years from Tuberculosis. A park in Cape Town was named for Dora Tamana, dedicated in 2015 by government official Nomaindia Mfeketo.

Your entry as a whole hasn't added a lot to the original article that didn't already exist, as much as I can tell. It is important that you work to expand the article further, as this is an important part of the project. Be sure to include the new information your group has found. There are a number of spots where you could include more details, context, etc. There are also some areas where the wording is confusing or could be better stated, which I think is another place to work on as you all revise. In general, some of your wording sounds a little too informal or casual.

I've made comments in parenthesis and bold. Let me know if you have any questions! - Sara

Dora Ntloko Tamana OLG (11 November 1901 - 23 July 1983) was a South African anti-apartheid activist. (Try to add more info to this lead section - where in South Africa was she born and lived, what specific things did she accomplish, etc.)

Early life[edit]
Dora Ntloko Tamana, was born in Hlobo, Transkei, then part of the Cape Colony. Her grandfather was a Methodist preachers, but as a teen Dora and her family converted to the Israelite domination. (Include context as to what this denomination is. It's not really clear exactly what this was right now. Also should be denomination not domination) She was 20 when her father died in the 1921 Bulhoek Massacre of Israelite sect members. (I think this part about the massacre should come after the next sentences where you talk about her childhood. This section should flow chronologically for the most part) She described her childhood as a picture of somber and isolation, in an untouched community of Hlobo. So isolated that the nearest town Idutywa was an estimated four hour walk away. Tamana's education consisted of attending school until the 4th standard. Much of her life was made up of living and working on her family's land, where they worked together to look after their cattle and do household chores. The massacre prompted Dora to begin to take action for Black South African life.

Career[edit]
During World War II, she lived in the Blouvlei settlement, where she became politically active with the Cape Flats Distress Association (CAFDA), (What was this?) resisting efforts to relocate the squatting residents, and helping people in poor living conditions. She joined the Communist Party in South Africa during this time, and soon the African National Congress Women's League (Add abbreviation).

Dora Tamana's particular interest was in self-help programs: a food committee (Cape Town's Women's Food Committee), a women's sewing cooperative, and a childcare program, which sought to have local authorities provide supplies. In her Blouvlei/Blaauwvlei settlement in Cape Town, she became involved with the Athlone Committee for Nursery Education. The women of this committee were involved with the Athlone Committee for Nursery Education. The women of this committee were involved in establishing several schools in disadvantaged areas and they also founded the Maynardville Open-Air Theatre on 1 December 1950 (as a fundraiser for charitable projects). Dora Tamana was joined by two other ladies from that committee, fellow Communist Party member Jean Bernadt and Athlone committee chair Margaret Molteno, to build a school and health center in Blouvlei. The three women worked to realize Dora Tamana's vision and they founded the Blouvlei Nursery School and family health center in May 1955.

CSPA: She began involving herself with the CPSA in the late 30s and met many prominent figures like Ray Alexander, someone who would become very close to her. This movement focused on issues related to housing and rents. She officially joined in 1942. (Add more detail - what was this, who was Ray Alexander, etc)

She advanced women's struggles and organized her community and women in defiance campaigns against passing laws that limited people's movement. (Perhaps add more context about South African Apartheid) While living in Blouvlei she became more politically active, especially through the South African Communist Party (CPSA). In her career, Dora Tamana eventually went on to take higher roles in the ANCWL. One of her main highlights was when she became acting Secretary. Her involvement came from a perspective that was different from her constituents. She understood what it meant to come from a poor, rural and working class family. She would describe her political journey as a slow burn that further inflamed as she spent more time with people, learning from them. It was through Ray Alexander in the CPSA where she was able to fully get herself involved in the anti-apartheid movement. (I think the wording in these last few sentences could be improved. Right now, it sounds a little informal/casual) She took a leadership role in the anti-pass movement in 1953, and in 1954 became National Secretary of the Federation of South African Women (FEDSAW). But in 1955, after attending the World Congress of Mother's in Switzerland with Lillian Ngoyi, she was banned by the South African government from attending political meetings. (Why?)

Harassed by police and rezoned out of Blouvlei, she was moved to Nyanga, where she remained for the rest of her life. In her sixties, she served two jail sentences for her activism, and her son Bothwell was imprisoned and sentenced to death, which was later changed to life imprisonment (he was later released after Zimbabwe's independence). But she stayed active with women's protests into the 1970s. In 1978 she organized a rally in Cape Town that ended up establishing the United Women's Association which was the forerunner for an organization that was later made, the United Women's Organization. She spoke at the launching meeting of the United Women's Organization in 1981. Her poem exhorted the next generations of South African women to unite and act together for change:

You who have no words, speak.

You who have no homes, speak.

You who have no schools, speak.

You who have to run like chickens from the vulture, speak.

Let us share our problems so that we can solve them together.

We must free ourselves.

Personal Life[edit]
After her father's death, Dora Ntloko had moved to Queenstown by the 1930s. She married John Tamana, with whom she had four children. Only one of her children survived. The other three died from tuberculosis and starvation. Living away from her husband for most of the time, Dora decided to move to Cape Town with him. After some time, two divorced and Dora took on the responsibility of raising her and her sister's children. John Tamana left the family in 1948. Dora Tamana died in 1983, aged 82 years from tuberculosis. A park in Cape Town was named for Dora Tamana, dedicated in 2015 by government official Nomaindia Mefeketo.

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