User:Breannapalmer/Nellie McClung/Hroitberg Peer Review

Peer review
This is where you will complete your peer review exercise. Please use the following template to fill out your review.

General info

 * Whose work are you reviewing? Breannapalmer
 * Link to draft you're reviewing: User:Breannapalmer/sandbox

Lead
Guiding questions:


 * Has the Lead been updated to reflect the new content added by your peer? - No, it has not.
 * Does the Lead include an introductory sentence that concisely and clearly describes the article's topic? - Yes, it does.
 * Does the Lead include a brief description of the article's major sections? - yes, it does.
 * Does the Lead include information that is not present in the article? - No, it does not.
 * Is the Lead concise or is it overly detailed? - The Lead is concise.

Content
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added relevant to the topic? - Most of the content added is relevant to the topic. However, it is unclear how the section on women in sports connects to McClung.
 * Is the content added up-to-date? - yes, the content is up-to-date.
 * Is there content that is missing or content that does not belong? - Unless there is an explicit connection between McClung and sports teams, I would suggest removing this section. Additionally, certain topics, like McClung's activism on anti-war, domestic abuse, and anti-prostitution legislation are missing. There is a significant link between domestic abuse and the Temperance Movement (as well as the Eugenics movement) that could be emphasized, as well. The article would also benefit from a section on human rights activism, as McClung advocated for the enfranchisement of Japanese people in Canada and the opening of Canadian borders to Jewish refugees. This human rights content would be underpinned by a section on political and historical context, which might include content about World War II and Japanese Internment in Canada. Additionally, the article could include more on McClung's social reform, like her advocacy for Dower's rights, factory safety legislation, and equal way, and her involvement in the Labour Movement. Lastly, the inclusion of content about the New Woman Movement, and possibly the context of historical attitudes about women in religion, would be beneficial in situating McClung within the historical context of feminism.

Tone and Balance
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added neutral? - No. There seems to be an emphasis on 'positive' reform, especially regarding the women's rights, support for women, and social activism regarding the vulnerable sector. There is relatively little content added to McClung's 'negative' social reform, such as the Eugenics section.
 * Are there any claims that appear heavily biased toward a particular position? - The content titled "Other Faith Based and Community integrated networks/support for women being established and rallying in support of women's suffrage" appears biased towards women's collectivity and support. This information is relevant, but requires some contrasting viewpoints to remain neutral.
 * Are there viewpoints that are overrepresented, or underrepresented? - the feminist viewpoint (emphasis on social reform, advocacy for the oppressed, enfranchisement for women) is overrepresented, and there is a lack of opposing viewpoints. Content about McClung's 'positive' work, like women's suffrage and women's personhood, is overrepresented in the draft. The amount of space devoted to this 'positive' content is not proportional to the amount of space devoted to 'negative' content, like McClung's push for sterilization legislation.
 * Does the content added attempt to persuade the reader in favor of one position or away from another? - Unintentionally, I think, but yes, the draft appears to be in favour of women's equality and rights, and the social inclusion of immigrants. It is difficult not to lean this way, considering this is a Women's and Gender Studies class. I think this error could be amended by providing contrasting viewpoints from a broad variety of sources.

Sources and References
Guiding questions:


 * Is all new content backed up by a reliable secondary source of information? - While new sources are listed, much of the new information is unconnected to them. For example, the information in the new section on McClung's family is not cited at all. Other sources have no corresponding information at all.
 * Are the sources thorough - i.e. Do they reflect the available literature on the topic? - The sources in the draft could benefit from more variety. Of the references in the original article, only five of nineteen are journal articles. In the draft, the author shows an intention to include various journal articles, but understandably has not cited them yet.
 * Are the sources current? - yes, the sources are current.
 * Check a few links. Do they work? - yes, the links work.

Organization
Guiding questions:


 * Is the content added well-written - i.e. Is it concise, clear, and easy to read? - the context is well-written and concise.
 * Does the content added have any grammatical or spelling errors? - there are only a few minor spelling errors.
 * Is the content added well-organized - i.e. broken down into sections that reflect the major points of the topic? - the most important change to this article is the structure and organization of the content. The original article is organized into four sections which are too broad to encompass every aspect of McClung's life. For example, it groups all of McClung’s lifetime achievements into one relatively small section titled “Career”, which is partly organized chronologically and partly organized according to McClung’s participation in different organizations or advocacy for different causes. Instead, the draft organizes article by adding “Activism/Feminism” and “Religion” sections, and adding “Education” and “Family Members” as subsections under the “Early Life” section. While these are great ideas, I would go beyond them.
 * To better organize the draft, one might divide the “Career” section according to each of McClung’s endeavours, like “Political Participation” (involvement in the Liberal Party), “Political Activism” (Women’s Political Equality Group, mock Women’s Parliament), and maybe a “Legal Activism” section that discusses the effects of McClung's political involvement (like women’s enfranchisement in Manitoba, the Person’s Case, etc).
 * Alternatively, one could organize the career section according to the province in which McClung lived. After discussing her work in Manitoba, one could talk separately about McClung’s work as an author and public speaker as she lived in Edmonton.
 * Next, one could add either the new “Activism” section or “Religion” section. If “Religion” is next, this is where one might talk about social gospel methodism and McClung's view of women (maybe contrast it to Simone de Beauvoir’s view of women as parasites who deserve to have less social power and Paulette Nardal’s opposite view?). This section could also include McClung’s fight for women’s ordination into the Methodist church. If instead “Activism” goes next, one could divide the section into three subsections: Political activism (political party involvement, push for women’s voting rights, anti-war activism) ; social activism (Eugenics, Temperance movement, maternal feminism); and maybe legal activism (women’s enfranchisement in Manitoba, Labour Movement involvement, push for anti-prostitution legislation, sterilization legislation, etc).
 * Adding a "human rights advocacy" section would address McClung's efforts regarding anti-war activism, rights of immigrants, and domestic abuse activism. It could also balance out the section on eugenics, in which McClung aimed to limit human rights, and keep the article neutral in tone.

Images and Media
Guiding questions: If your peer added images or media


 * Does the article include images that enhance understanding of the topic? - the author shows an intention to add images sourced from creative commons, but has not added any yet. The author has also included an original photo of the Nellie McClung School/Educational Society.
 * Are images well-captioned? - The original photo seems well-captioned, but the photo itself has not been included, so I cannot view it to make sure the caption corresponds to the photo.
 * Do all images adhere to Wikipedia's copyright regulations? - yes: one photo is an original photo of a public building, and the others will be sourced from creative commons.
 * Are the images laid out in a visually appealing way? - they have not been laid out yet.

For New Articles Only
If the draft you're reviewing is a new article, consider the following in addition to the above.


 * Does the article meet Wikipedia's Notability requirements - i.e. Is the article supported by 2-3 reliable secondary sources independent of the subject? - yes, the article meets Wikipedia's notability requirements. It utilizes credible sources, including peer-reviewed journal articles, to provide verifiable evidence in support of its content.
 * How exhaustive is the list of sources? Does it accurately represent all available literature on the subject? - no, the reference list is not exhaustive, and could significantly benefit from more peer-reviewed articles on a variety of perspectives. However, the draft shows an intention to include a wide variety of sources.
 * Does the article follow the patterns of other similar articles - i.e. contain any necessary infoboxes, section headings, and any other features contained within similar articles? - yes, the article utilizes section and subsection headings, as well as infoboxes with pictures.
 * Does the article link to other articles so it is more discoverable? - yes, the article links to several other wikipedia articles, including The Famous Five, Emily Murphy, Irene Marryat Parlby, the Legislative Assembly of Alberta, the Judicial Committee of the British Privy Council, and others.

Overall impressions
Guiding questions:


 * Has the content added improved the overall quality of the article - i.e. Is the article more complete? - yes, overall, the completeness of the article has been greatly improved. New Sections have been added, such as the Activism, Feminisms, Religion, Education, Awards, and Unpaid and Volunteer Work. Content has been added to existing sections, such as scholarships, buildings, and other current moves to recognize Nellie McClung and the Famous Five. The Family section has been significantly expanded to include information about McClung's mother, siblings, spouse, and children.
 * What are the strengths of the content added? - the content provides biographical information on the subject of the article, and expands on significant aspects of McClung's life and work.
 * How can the content added be improved? - a significant portion of the added content is not cited, so it would be greatly improved by corresponding references.

Overall evaluation
The draft is well-researched and well-planned. The new proposed sections are relevant, and help clarify the timeline of McClung's life. Except for one small section on sports, the new content is relevant and improves one's understanding of McClung's motivations and achievements. The only constructive criticism is that the article emphasizes McClung's positive endeavours, like advocacy for vulnerable groups and women’s rights. Instead, focusing equally on McClung’s positive activism and negative activism (like eugenics) and present a variety of viewpoints on each of the mentioned topics, one could preserve the article's neutrality. Ultimately, the most important changes to the article involve structure and organization, and as well as the inclusion of some missing information about political and religious context, some of McClung's social activism for immigrant women, working women, and women in the domestic sphere, as well as her anti-war work and inclusion in the larger New Woman Movement. These changes would improve the clarity of the article, as well as situate McClung within a broader historical and feminist context. Lastly, while the references could be improved, I applaud the use of creative commons to search for images, and I am going to apply this idea to my article as well.