User:Brianbuigwu/Tone policing/Flannel Tea Girl Peer Review

General info
Brianbuigwu, Daisyyvenegas, Sh2027
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:Tone Policing
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Tone Policing

Evaluate the drafted changes
'''First, what does the article do well? Is there anything from your review that impressed you? Any turn of phrase that described the subject in a clear way?'''

I thought the organization of the first two sections was very well done. The lead section explained what tone policing is without delving into too much detail. If there was more historical context, the lead section could have been broken into the lead and a “History” section, but based on the current amount of information I think it is good as is. The lead section also did a very good job of teasing what comes next, making the transition to the “Angry Feminist” section flawless. The inclusion of the “Angry Feminist” phrasing is also especially helpful in understanding the application of tone policing; the phrase “tone policing” implies what it is, but sounds very technical and grammatical, whereas “Angry Feminist” is something a lot of girls have firsthand experience with.

'''What changes would you suggest the author apply to the article? Why would those changes be an improvement?'''

I swear this looks longer than it is. For this question, my changes are in regular typing and the italicised text is text copy/pasted from the article draft.

“Lighting a match to a draft card or a fiag flag ''has been a standard gambit of protest groups in recent years, but something new is due to go up in flames on Saturday. Would you believe a bra-burning?''”

Add the quotation marks since you're quoting someone.

The Post gave the story the headline "Bra Burners and Miss America" further cementing the image of angry feminists.

I assume this is referring to the Washington Post? Be specific. Also I believe the title of the newspaper needs to be italicized.

This act also hyper-sexualized the protestors as many commentators drew the image of bra-less women waving their burning bras in the air.

I’m not understanding how this is hyper-sexualization? Not wearing a bra is not inherently sexual, but I'm wondering if there's context that I'm missing. Can you include an image of one of these cartoons?

''Throughout the 2020 Presidential Campaign, Kamala Harris was specifically targeted by biased points of view and hateful remarks. Harris was disadvantaged by the "angry black woman" trope. Specifically in the 2020 Vice Presidential Debates, Harris was critiqued on the basis that she appeared "aggressive" and "angry". Harris was affected by tone policing as a result of the "assertiveness double-bind" when assertiveness is seen as confidence in men and aggressiveness in women. Throughout the debate, Harris was constantly interrupted by the current Vice President, Mike Pence. After being cut off once again, Harris stated "Mr. Vice President, I'm speaking ", which was seen as aggressive and enraged because of the tone in her voice.''

I love the inclusion of this example! I’m not sure it needs to be an entirely separate section though… maybe a subsection of the “Angry Feminist” with a bit more context about how tone policing disproportionately affects WOCs?

What's the most important thing the author could do to improve the article?

I think adding more context on tone policing disproportionately affecting women of color, and using the 2020 Vice Presidential debate as an example, would be the most significant improvement. That being said, that could be a large undertaking and I realize the goal of this assignment is not to have a 100% finalized article.

'''Did you notice anything about the article you reviewed that could be applicable to your own article? Let them know!'''

I have not figured out how to do the big section headers and I like that you have that more clearly spelled out. I also like how well you tease what is coming later in the article and I think we could do a slightly better job of that in our own group. We could also include more specific examples with more in depth explanations - like your group has done with Vice President Kamala Harris.