User:Brisaintedits/Fish slaughter/Weirdcactus472 Peer Review

General info
Brisaintedits
 * Whose work are you reviewing?


 * Link to draft you're reviewing:User:Brisaintedits/Fish slaughter
 * Link to the current version of the article (if it exists):Fish slaughter

Evaluate the drafted changes
(Compose a detailed peer review here, considering each of the key aspects listed above if it is relevant. Consider the guiding questions, and check out the examples of what feedback looks like.)


 * I liked the word "slaughter" better than "killed," because it is stronger, but that is your choice entirely.
 * I like your change from "human consumption" to "commercial consumption."
 * Change "culture's" to "cultures'" (change apostrophe position for grammar) and remove "however" (redundant). I do like the transition line to explain why more methods are being developed!
 * Add back "with the goal of lessening cruelty to some degree".
 * I also like the addition of examples of less cruel methods of slaughter.
 * I don't like how you changed the last sentence at all. What do you mean by "equally as effective"? It feels obvious that different slaughtering methods all work to effectively slaughter. You should consider bringing back the line about morality, because it addresses the initial problem, which is that fish slaughter has been deemed inhumane, historically.